FRUIT POWER!

2006-01-10T16:47:00.000+11:00

Julie has a new Blog!!! Ask if you want.

boredom

2006-01-04T22:09:00.000+11:00

grrr.... So boring these days! Omg, I think I'm going to die of boredom. lol. Anyways, went to stupid Info day today. It was so not filled with a lot of information hmph. But the free stuff was alrite. Well the only thing I feel good about is the fact that I only spent 5bucks =]. Oh and Shirley got a free cherry ripe milkshake which was kind of shit. lol
maccas guy: you ordered a sundae right?
shirley: yes
(maccas guy curses cause he just made a shake)
maccas guy: well why dont you try this? (hands the shake over to shirley, while he goes and makes the sundae)
yes Shirley was indeed confused but took the free shake anyway. LOL

sigh... I want to go to the beach! BEAAAAAAAACH! Well at least I'll be spending 7 continuous days at the beach! Going away next Saturday. yay.

Who wants to go watch a movie on Friday night?? lol

New years!

2006-01-02T00:43:00.000+11:00

Happy New Years guys!

The fireworks were mad *thumbs up* Thanks to Mai, Andrew, Henry, Willt and Bao for making the night/arvo fun. hehe

Anyway, I wonder if I spent the first day of new years being annoyed/pissed, that I'll be pissed for the rest of the year... maybe I'm just being too difficult or unfair. wateva.

Just don't pretend that you care. far out.

xmas!

2005-12-25T13:27:00.000+11:00

Merry Christmas guys!

Hope you guys have an extra fun day.

rah

2005-12-21T22:20:00.000+11:00

Sigh, I can feel the deadness of this blog. *prods with a stick* stupid thing. I don't know why I'm still blogging! Man, my skin full stings at the moment. Like, my shoulders and my neck hurt. I think I'm sunburnt.

Anyway, looking for a phone at the moment. Anyone know what phone is good? Fucking, I'm so bored at the moment... *Cries*

New Years resolution:
- Be more friendly towards certain people....?
- Get my Ps and not fail first go
- Stop making meow and woof noises
- Go out more and maybe find a job
- Make new friends *wink*
- Stay in touch with my present friends (you guys better not dog me... =])
- Not jig any of the lectures and tutorials in uni =p
- take my braces off!!!!!!!!

GREEN DAY

2005-12-16T20:07:00.000+11:00

I'M OFFICIALLY IN LOVE WITH BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG!!!!

Who is the lead singer of Green Day. OMG Fucking, their concert was FUCKING MAD!!! I loved every bit of it.

Jimmy Eat World was good, but they didn't really involve the audience and My Chemical Romance was mad but I didn't know all of their songs. Anyway, I'm so glad I chose to go to Green Day! They made us say all these really cool things like "ooo" and "URGHHHH" which kind of turned into orgasmic noises, since he started feeling himself inside his pants and exclaiming "I THINK I'M CUMMING"..... sigh so fucking hot =] They played most of their songs, and some that I didn't know. The mosh pit looked hectic from where I was sitting. Fucking Sarah. Bitch got to stand close to the stage and have a closer view of Billie Joe. hahaha I was sitting in the seats at the back of the stadium, which was still good.
Yeh, during the show, people were chosen to play the band's instruments, and the fucking 12year old boy who played Billie Joe's guitar got to fucking keeep the guitar. OMG I WAS SO JEALOUS.
There was a big display of fireworks and fire and a few bangs every now and then. My sis thought that the concert ended cause of the fireworks at the end, so she pulled me out to the buses. Lucky, I pulled her back in, cause we would've missed the madass encore. =] Also, when they played "Wake me up when Sept ends" everyone was waving their lighters and phones in the air. It was so nice.

Highlights of the concert:
- Billie Joe wanging himself
- Billie Joe draping the AUSSIE flag around him, and lying on the ground.
- Billie Joe asking the 12year old dude if he's had sex with a lady before, and then saying "We'll have sex tonight" (something like that) Fuck, I wanted to bang him so bad. lol. Okay, that sounds wrong. But still!!
- Did i mention Billie Joe wanging himself???

FUCKING I DIDNT BRING A CAMERA CAUSE MY JACKASS SIS FULL TOLD ME OFF AND SAID THAT THEY'LL TAKE THE CAMERA OFF ME CAUSE WE'RE NOT ALLOWED.
*chucks a hissy fit*

Everything is Green Day now. My desktop is mad. I love it. I can stare at it all day. *drools* Billie Joe..... =]=]=]

the entrance!

2005-12-05T22:58:00.000+11:00

I should start by recouting what I've been doing in the past week.

Well it's been a week since the WTF crew, Mai, Mary, Emily and I arrived at the entrance. It was a really fun holiday! I swear it was the most I've been out! I think it was 4 days in a row?

Monday: Arrived at The entrance at midday. Observed the house. Nearly fainted cause it was majorly nice. And in Mai's words, the floor was extra shiny. We bummed around and played singstar. We also checked out the beach and saw how deserted it was. Nice shells. Ugly seaweed. Mai and I, later took a bloody 45minute walk to Coles and to buy alcohol. It was the longest walk ever but the scenery was bloody mad.
Anyways, we were too tired to walk back and it was getting dark, so we caught the taxi. bloody 6 bucks. Watched movies all night while half the girls went to the lake to cook marshmallows? lol. We also drank. After I drank my vodka thingo in like 2minutes (thirsty), I drank two and a half shots of Johnny Walker. Kinda went all wierd and I couldn't pee properly. I mean like when I stood up, I nearly feel over. Okay, yeh I shuddup. I laughed myself to sleep, because the dripping noises of water reminded me of piss.

Tuesday: Woke up and banged. I mean literally. Me, Mai, Lauren and I think Sarah all jumped on each other on Julie's bed and we started making wierd grunting noises. We sounded like giraffes (remmeber that mai?) haha Anyway, we went to the beach. Swam, frolicked and Mai and Emily tanned. FUN. Came home, ate, watched tv, and then played pictionary till 4am. MAI AND I WON!! woooo. We were lucky. We kept rolling 5s and 6s. mad. I slept at 6 cause of the dripping noises of water again. It was funny.

Weds: Went home at 12. I must say, the muffins the guys made were extra yummo! Thanks Mary for letting us experience your extra nice cooking. Anyway, Bao picked us up at Stratty and we went back to his house. THE FIRST GUY'S HOUSE I'VE BEEN TO!!! Feel special Baosy?? Anyways, being the nice guy he is, he let us drive his car. Fucking I was scared for my life man. ahhaha Well not really. Mai and Emily are pretty good drivers. Yeh, we got back to his house and saw gay William there. Picked up Shirley and went to Stephens. 2ND GUY'S HOUSE! Went to eat pancakes. Mad fun. Check the pics out on Mai's site. Then I went Star City with Tung, Willie, Phil and Anthony. Bloody William. I think he's addicted. Bad guy. Just cause he won money. Went back to Shirleys. Guys played poker. Slept over at Shirleys.

Thurs: It was so fucking uncomfy sleeping on Shirley's couch. My neck fully died. So I went to Shirley's bed at 7. Slept till ten. Even when shirley left. It felt kind of wierd. BUT THANKS SHIRLEY FOR LETTING US SLEEP OVER! *kisses you* oooo Anyways, went to watch Harry Potter. Saw Cyd and Peter!! OOO HOW CUTE! We got to witness their first date! HP4 was ok. Just look at Stephens blog. lol. Anyways, I was going to go home when William called. And so I decided to sleep over at Mais. William and Vincent came over and we went out to each at Canley. yeh. It was kinda fun. Went back to Mai's. We watched this really wierd but alrite Chinese movie and talked about top5s and people we disliked and been romantically linked with. FUN

Friday: HOME SWEET HOME. I MISS MY PHO! YUMO

Sat-NOW: BORED BORED BORED.

I was reading people's past blogs. Liek way past blogs. Like ancient. It's amazing how people we use to be close to are no longer our friends anymore. It's kinda sad. But still. Life goes on! WEEE

Formal

2005-11-21T22:35:00.000+11:00

WOW! I haven't been on for so long! Typing feels so wierd atm. Anyways, ever since the formal, I've kind of been staying up at people's houses. So here's a brief description of what I've been doing during formal and after:

Thursday
-Woke up late like usual, and read Harry Potter! Yes I'm reading Harry Potter again. Don't laugh.
- went to FMK to get hair done at 2. Came home at like 3.15. It was a bloody rip off.
- Got ready, mum did make-up and that kind of bs.
- Arrived at Truc's house at 4.45.. I was running late cause my sister couldn't fix my dress properly and my mum was full on telling me off.
- William drove Shirley, Truc and me to the formal in his err I don't know what type of car. We thought we were going to be late, but instead we arrived half an hour early
- Everyone looked so sexy and good!
- Danced, ate and took photos the whole night. My feet were killing me, so I took my heels off and danced. Fun.
- Formal finished with a really fun song. Everyone was dancing and singing *heeeeeeeeey baby* - Went to Cronulla beach and bummed around. I was pretty tired and wanted to sleep.
- Went back to Shirley's house and my dad picked me up there at like 3 while the other guys went to the lake to drink and play poker?
- Arrived home and slept. yay

Friday
- Woke up late again. Did nothing. Too tired

Saturday
- Went city with Mum during the day. Brought this really nice top. =]
- Got home and started to watch Harry potter on tv. Truc called and asked if I wanted to go to Shirleys. Called my dad and persuaded him to let me go.
- Arrived at Shirleys at around 10. Went to maccas, since it was Mchappy day.
- Went back to Shirleys and we bummed around in Shirley's room for abit until Kerry, Anthony and Phil t arrived. Watched Amityville and the Longest yard. I must say, Amityville was kind of freaky, but not that scary. No thanks to Kerry who scared me at the scary bits in the movie.
- After the two movies, a few people left, and so Shirley, Kerry, Truc, Mai, William d and I stayed back and went to Shirleys room to bum again. Stupid Kerry, Truc and Shirley who kept pranking Mai and me to scare us.
- I was deeply tired, and it wasn't until my dad called me at 4.30am saying that he was at Miranda=/. Dad picked me up at around 5 and it was bloody light when I got home. Too bad we couldn't watch the sun rise.
- Thanks Shirley for letting us stay over. Hope we didn't really keep your parents awake.

Sunday
- geezus. I woke up with a sore throat. Luckily it went away later. Did nothing all day.
- Truc called me again at night and asked if i wanted to come over.
- The same people as yesterday bummed around at Truc's house and we watched three movies. Well we didn't really watch three movies. Just half of each, cause they were quite boring.
- Went home at 12. MAI YOU HAVE MY THONGS! lol. Stoopid woman!

PHEW! What an extremely long blog. Now I'm not allowed to go out at night anymore (since my parents think that I'm going to get laid). Like seriosuly, what's the difference. It's just darker at night. gosh

Anyways, I'm going to go job hunting soon. Very soon. After I fix my stuopid resume. argh

bludgeeeeeeeeee

2005-11-12T23:07:00.000+11:00

omg wow! What a week!! I've been bludging for nearly over a week now, and it's getting quite boring. Okay, let's recap on some stuff.

Weds: Reluctantly went formal shopping after I realised that there was one more week until the formal. Great. Didn't find jackall. It was the worse experience of my life. Okay, maybe not the worse experience, but I hate formal shopping. So blooody boring *yawns* The only good bit was when I brought icecream from a place called Mondo in QVB. YUUUUMM!!!

Thurs: I went formal shopping again in the afternoon. This time, I managed to find a dress. It wasn't brilliant or anything, it just looked alright. But so expensive. The lady gave us a discount from 600 to 500, and she told us that we had to buy it right away, or else she wont give us a discount if we went to other shops. psshh What a bitch, so we stuffed her and went home empty handed with blisterised feet. Curse thongs and bitchy sales assistances.

Fri: I had to wake up early, as in 9.30 to go to school with my sister and sign out. It was wierd being at school again. lol. I talked to a few teachers, and said hi to almost every teacher I saw. =] Met up with Suely and Aina, and we went around returning our shit and stuff. I think I went all wierd at one point, cause I felt like bending down to kiss the ground. I was happy to see the school again. Don't know why.
Anyways, I wanted to do something at night and stuff, so my mum dropped me over at Truc's place in the afternoon. Bloody William came like half an hour later and we decided to go out and eat, since Truc was hungry. We went to a Cafe near Stocklands. It was quite yummy. The wedges were yummy and Truc's crepe was cheesy but still yummy. Yeh, being seen outside with William is quite embarassing, he's really loud, and he just looks funny overall. After that we went back to Truc's place and watched the year 12 concert. It was fun, just lazing around, doing nothing.

Today: Went formal shopping again with sis and mum. All I can say is, Sis is a good shopper. She has a good eye for good clothes yay. Saw Julie Truong and Melissa. LOL. Poor Julie, she looked frustrated lol. I was frustrated too! Anyway, Mai, Truc and stuff are at some party. yawh yawh. I might go on holidays soon. Well just for a week to some place. Don't know where. Somewhere near the beach I guess. Fun!

What a boring blog. It was painful typing this shit out. Very. Now I shall neglect this blog for another 2 months or so.

ENGLISH??

2005-10-20T23:29:00.000+10:00

NOT HAPPY! ENGLISH? WHAT ENGLISH??

Even though, english is over blah blah... like everyone says it's such a good thing and all. Wait, it is good, but don't people ever think of what lies ahead!?!?!? MAN MATHS IS LIKE AROUND THE CORNER AND PEOPLE ARE CELEBRATING THAT ENGLISH IS OVER??? WHAT!

Okay, enough of that bitching. I would like to say HAPPY BDAY TO STEPHEN FOR 2MR! Since, it's you're bday... I'll call you a banger and use your ugly lame quotes and words. HOPE U HAVE A BANG OF A BANGER! Okay, thats like yeh, I sound wierd now. lol.

Btw, I remember the people that have their bdays in October! Cause it's such a special month!

Anyways, after the paper two exam, my hands felt so numb. I couldn't open them because my joints were like stuck. But I must say, it was better than the trials. I mean my hand that is. psh.. I screwed it up. I think I didn't answer the questions properly.

So right now, I'm sitting here chatting... not thinking about 4u... *bangs head against the table* alrite... let's go look at some pictures from last term.

journey? what journey?

2005-10-17T20:27:00.000+10:00

It's hard to say that i was wrong
It's hard to say i miss you
Since you've been gone it's not the same
It's hard to say i held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone it's not the same

Okay, so like umm... today was a wierd day. Everything was wierd. The exam was wierd. The people were wierd...

BUT THANX TO THOSE WHO SAID HAPPY BDAY TO ME EVEN THOUGH IT WASNT MY BDAY TODAY!!! *throws love*

Anyways, I came to school feeling sick and wanting to vomit and shit. I don't even remember what i chose for my Formal food thing. My sister just picked what she thought was nice while her friend kept saying "chicken breast" and her other friend kept calling my name and saying goodluck. aahha

Now, let's talk about the stupid exam shall we... LOL IT WAS THE FUCKIEST FUCK EVER!! Sorry for swearing, but I totally screwed up section two for real. And section three! WTF IT WAS AN ESSAY! I was a bloody essay last year! I thought it was going to be a feature article! Oh well, it didn't make a difference. I stilled screwed it up. And for the third text for reading/wrting. Lets not go there. *cries*

Random stuff:
- Did anyone hear about the paper two that was handed out to some school in Coffs Harbour?? Man thats funny! hehe If only someone did see the questions, I wonder what would've happened..
- They interviewed some people from some highschool on the news, and their collars for their jerseys are the same as ours. Our jersey isn't that bad is it? I like the colour, and other grades think its nice!
- Some dude won a million bucks on Who wants to be a Millionaire.
- HSC is and exciting experience. It's like a mystical journey filled with many opportunities and challenges, that will enable the traveller to enhance their understanding of the world and the self.

That is all for now. *waves* goodluck all

happy studying day

2005-10-15T22:59:00.000+10:00

I'm sitting here, drowing in self-pity, wishing that my mum had pushed me out abit earlier, so I could've at least enjoyed being officially old or at least been born on the same day as Princess Mary's baby. *cries*

Anyway, one more hour. Just one more. Until I can drink, buy porn, go to strip clubs, have lesbian sex and get thrown into jail! How fun is that. But first, I must kill the HSC. Or let it kill me. *kicks stupid thing*

Well, I know this is abit late and all but I would like to say thanx to: Bao, Cyd, Loo, Lauren, Mai, Mj, Sarah A, Sarah D, Shirley, Siv, Suely, Truc, Wlliam, Vincent for the extra cool present. I love the bag. The bracelet and top are mad!
Thanx: Scott and Khai so far for saying Happy bday.

yep, off to celebrate by studying. *chucks confetti everywhere*

STRESS????

2005-10-11T21:13:00.000+10:00

STRESS???? What is the meaning of STRESS??? omg... everyone is stressed out about the gay HSC, when I'm totally relaxed. The other day, my cousin asked my dad if I was stressed, because she was stressed when she did her HSC! hmmmm.... Well, I think I was stressed for around 2minutes today. After reading yesterday's paper about how a lot people are stressed out about the HSC and fear that their lives would be ruined if they get a low UAI.. *cries*

I shall go and study now. It doesn't even feel like the HSC is next week. I still regard myself as a yr12, but bloody hell, my bloody sister has to be a cheap ass and wear my school uniform. Like gosh, I might still wear the uniform. Sometime in the future that is. hmph.

Okay, some more random stuff:
- I want to go to Santa's Kingdom!!! OMG it's so pretty and looks sooo fun!!!
- I've done a chem past paper!!
- I'm so sleepy right now, cause I've been waking up at 7. Not to study but to do something.. lol.. nothing bad or dirty or kinky
- I only have english tutor and chem and phys tutor now... NO MORE MATHS! omg *sniffs* so sad...
- I say 'lol' too much.
- To Those people who say "banger" a lot, do you guys know that there use to be a monkey show called "bangers and mash"? I loved it! it was funny eheh and no it doesnt consist of monekys banging each other.
- I miss everyone *gives everyone a big cyber hug* excluding those few people that arent really on my friends list....

1927 - If I Could

2005-10-09T00:57:00.000+10:00

If I could write
I'd write a book for you
A tale of hidden treasures with an I.O.U
And a million words couldn't say a thing
That won't be said in three words
Where love's the central theme
If I could do anything at all, I'd do it for you

Darling can't you see
What you mean to me
Anything that I can do I'll do it for you
And darling don't you know
Just how far I'd go
Anything that I can do, I'd do it for you

Sometimes I feel so second-rate
Seems loving you was my greatest mistake
I know I'm insecure
And love don't keep score
But I wish I could give you more

:(
i feel such a loneliness, an emptiness, right about...now. it comes and goes, and i've been okay lately, distracting myself with studying. but sometimes it just hits me like a big... uhm hit? ahh im not even in the mood to be funny. there's something that's missing in my life - and i feel really lonely =S i just wish i had someone there for me all the time, someone to hold me and tell me it's all okay, someone to look after me but also let me look after myself, someone who loves me for real - not some teenage bullshit where they just say it in the most sensitive and romantic way possible and then take it back or better yet, pretend they never said it. so i know i got high expecations, but doesn't every girl? it's not i mean to be the way i am... it's just the aftereffects of going thru so much at a young age =x i was gonna say i wished i never experienced love, cos then i would be able to frolic around happily and laughing with everyone instead of feeling that emptiness inside and the pain of my heart just going haywire and then breaking everytime i think about..stuff... but well that's not true. being in love feels great. it just sucks when he leaves you. i gotta move on, but it's so hard to when im all alone and the only one who can help me.. is.. well.. me.

i hate feeling this loneliness =(

2005-10-06T17:20:00.000+10:00

Wow, I haven't been on net for a while. Well I didn't go on yesterday. Instead, I read the bloody Shoe-Horn Sonata play again. *yawns* I think I'll just read it again next week, since it didn't take that long. Actually, I was waiting for my sister to come back from the cruise and reading at the same time. *shrugs*

Anyways, nearly every blog I've read, consisted of people going to the library and studying... How can you study in that environment? sheebas.

Random stuff:
- Alot of people are saying the words "banger" "bang" "frog/fag/piss off" "roflcopter" nowadays. It's extremely funny. hehe
- The OC season 3 is out!
- One Tree Hill season Three is out!!!
- I've been drinking a lot and peeing a lot
- HAPPY BDAY TO: William, Mai, Mary, Scott [in order of occurrence]
Your bdays have passed and have been acknowledged widely, but it wouldn't hurt to say it again right?
- Amanda from Home and Away is a fucking whore/bitch/slut/banger
- 11 more days till HSC
- I'm scared about the formal. No dress. No idea of what to wear. No thingo. hmph

That's it for now. Goodluck everyone!

James Blunt <33333

2005-10-05T12:00:00.001+10:00

You and I have lived through many things.
I'll hold on to your heart.
I wouldn't cry for anything,
But don't go tearing your life apart.
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.
- Cry

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
Goodbye My Love

Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older?
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,
Getting high; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.
- High

and my most favourite song...

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you..

fun

2005-09-29T23:43:00.000+10:00

okay so yeh... I was going to write a whole blog about the last week of school and stuff, but I can't be bothered. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone that's made my school life a fun, kinky and exciting experience!! I hope I keep in touch with you guys... and don't forget me!!!

Anyways, just wanted to blog and say......

I'M GOING TO THE GREENDAY CONCERT!!!!!

yay!!!! My mum made me choose between Greenday and Kelly Clarkson. And since Kelly Clarkson had a wierd perfomance on MTV and the Rogue Traders areen't as good as Jimmy Eat World who would be at Greenday Concert, I chose Greenday!! I'm kind of excited! *flicks HSC aside* Stupid thing.

MUST STUDY!!

PHOTOS!

2005-09-26T10:01:00.000+10:00

my sexy girls: Anita and Julie. Babes till the end! you made my HS experiences..a rollercoaster. haha xoxox.

my boys: kerry, bao and chanly (haha). thanks for the laughs!

my girlfriendddd: vincent. babe, love ya heaps. you know how much! xox

sexy girl right here! mylinh, it's been great knowing you, we'll stay in touch! xox

wow what a stud..gorgeous william kissing gorgeous mai ;)

banger/fag/bitch. haha. i love the names i call you, thanks for all those good times right back from year 9! i know u'll miss me. haha

my girls: siv, shirley, sarah, truc and julie. thanks for all the gay times!

my other girls: nameless crew. it was great to go on the ride of a lfietime with you guys. u will all be missed.

the boys. haha. aren't they sexyy!

SHS 05! YOU WILL ALL BE MISSED! xoxo

my gorgeous sexy andrew, who could forget? love you as much as i love fairyfloss! hehe. xoxo

graduation/luncheon/my 18th

2005-09-24T15:04:00.000+10:00

wow. what a way to end year 12 at sefton high. we left with a bang (and a few tears.) alrite, so let's start from the beginning. we had the Year 12 SHS Graduation in the morning; i remember in younger years i always got bored listening to them blabber on and on and on..now only to realise that this yaer, they were talking about.. well, us. i mean, finishing year 12 had sunken into me and i cried a bit in the morning, but when the assembly started, i balled my eyes out continuously. i cried and cried and cried. actually i cried while we were lining up to go into the hall. i think seeing hellen cry and us standing there crying together mademe really sad. and it made me think alll the way back to year 7..gosh. it was so sad =( i think i kinda worried people (i.e. henry) who kept turning back to see if i was okay. haha. yes i cry that badly! i didn't stop at all until i received my graduation award thing! and then i started again! HAHAHA. i didn't take as many fotos as i had hoped, but im sure ppl have heaps right?! after that william in his sexy integra type r (it was red too!) drove vincent, shirley, siv and myself around the cabra area doing errands. haha. it was fun in the car. finally we got dropped off at truc's, while the boys went to anthony's for some waterfight. 12.30 back to school for our Luncheon and gollygoodness...i didn't cry! we ate, we tok fotos, we laughed, we hugged. oh it was good fun! and then.. i got a bday cake thingy! it was like jelly (wobble wobble!). and ppl all sang happy bday to me =') it nearly brought me to tears. thank you truc for making the cake thing for me. it was sooo nice of you! god writing abt it makes me wanna cry. and then andrew comes up and says he's taking me out for my bday at night too! surprise! hehee. then we took more fotos and thats when i started crying. when they started signing Greenday - Time of Your Life (cos yes, our grade is very talented) i balled my eyes out again. i think i must've ran back to andrew countless times just to cry and wet his shirt. and poor liam. hahaha... poor henry too! lol. i cry way too much! i remember reapplying my makeup. well just eyeliner. and then ijust gave up. hahaha. and then we went out after that. mylinh got this water gun spray thing and wet me. and i was wearing white :O hehehe. then truc, siv, shirley, julie, sarah and myself went to bum at livo for a while because stratty (short for strathfield ahhaha) was too far away. bummed and ate icecream while me and shirley kinda went a bit...gay on our hi5s. lol *hip..BONE!* hahaha. *ice..CREAM!* lol *wave length*. omg haha. then siv and i departed to go my place. when i got home guess who i saw other than my sexy andrew and all the other ugly guys. haha IM JOKING. kerry, vincent, bao and peter were all waiting to take me out =) so we went all the way to Newtown, walked down a very scary street...very dark and ..scary haha.. and yep. i don't have fotos =( but i think siv does? and vincent filmed me gettin scared and everything lol. man if u cancount, there was 7 of us in one car. so how did we fit? well.. let ur imagination run wild.. and siv..man she kept touching me in weird places. hahahaha. everyone was pretty hyped, or maybe it was just me and siv? we kept uhh..screaming and 'singing' to songs. andrew was pretty hyped up too! god that guy can just sing non stop. i recorded it too.

Who else am I gon' lean on (kerry: lean onnnn)
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby (kerry: togetherrrrr)

imagine kerry doing the 'backup' hahaha. hahahahhahahaha. then we went back to suely's and waited for suely, then we all went home. hahaha. it was a great night even though it didn't end perfectly. everyone was safe but, so thats okay. andrew drove me home and yep, being the stupid girl i am i cried. for a long time too. hehehe. it's cos i'll miss you andrew! lol and everyone else. and other things .. haha.. but yep. thanks to my gorgeous friends who spent the day with me after luncheon: truc, julie, siv, shirley, sarah, andrew, bao, vincent, kerry and peter! made me alll smile, it was a good 18th birthday. and hey i did not drink. i kept my promise. i'm sober. haha. julie had heaps of fun last night too, didnt u? hahaha. do u want a hug julie, do you? do you? ;) ;) ;) ohhh and yea i wanna say thanks to my sexy, gorgeous, going bald yet still super hot best friend andrew who i loveeee soo much 'cause he planned the night out for me =') i really love you! thanks soo much for making my 18th as fun and enjoyable as possible. it's makes me sad to think that i wont see u again for another 3 weeks =( but i appreciate everything you've done for me. i've got more to say to you but i'll talk to you later, right? i BETTER!!! *hugs&kisses*
so now it's the end of the road; i'm 18, im an adult, i graduated from shs and i have the hsc coming up. god i made a wish on a star last night. i really hope it comes true. i'll wait.. =)
sigh. now that schools out i feel soo... lost? i duno wat to do nemore except sit here and blabber to shirley abt the 'good old times'. hahaha. oh well.. i'll study...later =)
goodluck year 12 shs for your hsc. you're all loved =) take care and 'play it safe.' remember mai loves you. xoxoxox

fotos later. GO THE SWANS!!!!!!

last thursday ever!

2005-09-21T23:21:00.000+10:00

something to set the scene of the last thursday ever at school... I'm going to miss everyone!! I never knew today was the last lunch ever!!! so sad.... =[[[[

1,2,3 bangers!! lol funny stephen liang made that up yeserday and everyone was saying it today... hahaa

goodluck everyone!!! and to those people that i know that haven't signed my shirt.... PLEASE JUST COME UP TO ME 2MR AND GRAB MY SHIRT AND SIGN IT!!! i mean the shirt im not wearing.. please do not take my clothes off... i noe u wanna.. but please... lol

it's the end of the road...

2005-09-20T19:29:00.000+10:00

well its the end of year 12 - isn't it sad? well, i met you in year 8 and man we've been thru heaps. good and bad times - but i wont forget the fun times we shared together. things cud have turned out differently, but things also happen for a reason. maybe one day things will go back to normal. if not, i still got the memories, right? i hope this isnt making you said - its not meant to. i just wanna let u know that the past doesnt matter, only the future before us. i know that whatever you do in life, you'll succeed. thats the kinda person you are. if at any time u don't believe in yourself, think of me, cos i'll always believe in you. there is never one moment where i think you're gonna fail. getting ur p's...passing eng exams... i hope i gave you the motivation to work harder, but most of all, i hope i taught u how to believe in urself and never give up. no regrets, right? all i need is ur friendship, but if, for any reason, that friendship is no longer there in the future, know that i adore every aspect of you. even your gayness. you're one of the bestest people i've ever met. it makes me sad knowing that after friday, which conveniently is also my 18th, i may not see you again. that is, until hsc. i'll definately miss having you around. always there for me to turn to. it's the end of the road for us... or so it seems. but hey, maybe it's not the end? maybe we just hit a fork in the road which may take us both on different journeys (haha) but maybe in the end, we'll see each other again. well whatever. i'm writing this just to make sure you know that i've never regretted anything that had to do with you. i was able to grow and learn and all that stuff. you sure impacted my life in many ways, probably more than you think. if at any time you think i took u for granted, please don't. i've enjoyed all the laughter and the tears spent with u. im glad we were, at one point or another, close. i can only hope that one day... we'll see ourselves still friends? i don't like letting people go but i know you probably hafta go a different direction now, as do I. So i'll end with this: i love you. don't ever forget me, okay?

xoxo mai

i'm back!

2005-09-17T10:54:00.000+10:00

haha. yea i'm back. well not really. one thing i've got to say...
FUCK YOU.

damn straight.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 74% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing

Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

paso doble

2005-09-14T21:23:00.000+10:00

I guess with around 7 Days left of school, it's best to spend it with your friends. Mucking around, doing stupid stuff, taking gay photos. So far, the week has been quite a fun one. My attempt of taking photos everyday and during every lesson failed. *sighs* lol. Well, theres plenty of me and Mai. We've taken one like every day ahha. Anyways, so far, there's not going to be anymore Friday Wk B's, Monday,Tuesday and Weds Wk A's. I'm going to miss everyone. Well almost everyone! I'm going to miss the bitching, gayness, and the fact that we have a routine set out for us everyday.

Man, If I can't use one of those microwaves in the school canteen properly... how am I going to survive out there??? lol *cries* I don't want to go out there. It's scary. But I guess we're all in it together.

Well, today we learnt how to do the paso doble. umm.. Not really paso doble, more like flamenco style dance?? Anyways, it was quite confusing, because the lady was going quite fast and I was distracted by Stephen Liang flapping his arms like a chicken in front of the mirror. It was such a crack up. But it was good to see everyone joining in and having fun. I think Mazen ripped his pants. I guess he was too excited. lol. Yeh, and far out, Scott is such a natural!! He was pretty good!! He did a solo with the lady at the end, and his feet were practically doing the same thing as the lady's. geez.. That guy sure knows how to shake his ass. I wish I had photos, but I couldn't be bothered to take some.

Anyways, goodluck people. I know I'll be needing it. Have fun doing what you're doing! And study like there's no tomorrow!!

it's finally done!

2005-09-05T15:42:00.000+10:00

blah blah, being the bad girl i am, i skipped most of school today :P i went to first period, which was Business Studies. Stupid me, i thought it was english and told andrew to get my sheets (hoping he'd realise to bring the txtbk too) but no he did not.. lol. neway, the class was pretty funny, Mazen, Tarek and Danny were all trying 2 do situps. no wait pushups. yeaa haha, and mazen did the most, i think? 40? Had a few laughs. then right after class i rushed out to find mylinh and head to cabra - i love my dad, he drives me everywhere! yay x) then at cabra i brought mylinh to the place where i really wanted them to tailor my dress...and after half an hour we decided on the material and the design and everything! i changed my dress a bit and mylinh did too - it's sooooo hot! i'm so excited. hahaha. the girl there is really really nice and man ... gosh it's just a nice place =) been there for 15 years? WOW. hehee. anyway after that just walked around for a bit, man i wanna find really nice gold-silvery shoes that are slip ones but stilettos ... i hope i can find them. i was trying 2 plan everything and i realised that i dont have much time after formal to do everything? i mean, i got 6 days from when i finish i think? =/ but fuck it; it's time to study EVERYONE! so no more msn on weekdays (and only on weekends) and i will definately stick to it. so on a very very last note, i'd like to say:

GOODLUCK CLASS OF 2005!
Cmon i know we can ALL do well. just BELIEVE in yourself! and YOU CAN DO IT. hehehe.
BCom/BSci here i comeeeeeeee x)
lots of love, hugs and kisses.
don't dress, try your best and it dusnt matter how 'shit' u do or how 'well' u do.
so long as you wlak out of the exam feeling as though u put in ur best (: nothin better than feeling satisfied!

Craig David - Separate Ways

2005-09-02T21:05:00.000+10:00

firstly, go check out this site --> http://gongsters.blogspot.com.
rofls man.. i swear..cheap thrills in class and stephen duong is the biggest crack up ever man..! *rolls over and laughs*

We used to be inseparable, now the love has gone
That's the reason why, why you and I can't get along

There's nothing left to lose but so much time to waste yeah
What's the point in playing playing games with me
We ain't gotta lie
You might as well just pack our bags and just say goodbye

I think we should call it quits cos we can't go on like this.

Why don't we go our separate ways
Just realise we've nothing left to say
Neither of us wants to compromise
Too many secrets, jealousy and lies

I don't even know why we've been tripping for so long
It's not like we both don't understand what's right from wrong
Seems like we cant get along no more so why don't we just go
Shut the door as there ain't no love here anymore?

craig david has a sexy voice. and so does daniel powter (?) yea.. hell yea.

so sad

2005-09-01T00:10:00.000+10:00

I would like to say.... IM STUFFED!! My marks are shit, I'm shit. I tried, but ended up getting worse!!! *hides in the corner and cries*

Well, I can joke about it now and stuff, but everytime I think of my marks, I feel like crying. Anways, I don't want to go to sleep atm, even though I slept at like 1.30 last night. I'm forcing myself to read my notes, but nothing is going into my head!! *cries even more*

I need to release my streess....

ahhh... This post was pointless.

Ohs, I feel so useless atm, everyone knows what they're going to put on their UAC preferences, and everyone knows what they're wearing to the formal and everyone's participating in the the Concert... but what am I doing?!?!?! Being a lazy shit and drowning in self-pity.

IT'S A TRAVESTY I TELL YOU! *slaps face* I need a life... All I can think about is the HSC.

OH MAI!!! It's growing stronger everyday..... Me no like. Not at all. And I'll tell you why later...... =[

Sorry people if this blog is getting boring. Blame it on the HSC *stomps feet*

The Calling - Wherever you go

2005-08-29T15:53:00.000+10:00

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

from the outside there's a girl that looks spoilt. she's perceived as this spoilt lil girl who gets everything she wants - money, clothes, cars, jewellery, tvs, mobiles etc. but that's not true, cos deep within the lil girl, her hearts broken, her minds confused, shes weak, and she's lonely. she's surrounded by everything she could ever ask for; she's not an only child yet she gets flowered with expensive gifts, she gets what she wants most of the time and she pretty much does what she wants. great? no. cos this girl's lonely. money can buy expensive things, but can money buy back all the memories? all the mistakes? all the lessons? all the friends? or all the love? no, it can't. materialistic as this girl may be, deep down she yearns to be normal, to be like everyone else... to be happy. she has freedom, but with freedom comes the lack of memories shared with her parents such as the times in primary where she won awards every year at presentation, or the time she became student of the month, or the time she became prefect. she never speent these moments with her parents, they were not there for her. as a child, she walked to school herself, she walked home by herself, at the age of 7 (year 1). this is one thing money can not buy back - the moments shared with family.
money can't buy love, either. her family gave her love, oh she wasn't a neglected child, no. but at times she felt lonely. highschool came and friends came and went. boys came and went. to avoid the pain of letting go she kept a line between herself and everyone else. and the few times she opened up, she realised she made one of her biggest mistakes by trusting those she loved with everything she had. so she closed up again, covered up the emptiness inside and put on a fake smile. she pretended that she was happy - if she pretended to be happy, to be okay, then perhaps it would come true and no one will know the secret desire deep inside to feel accepted and loved...

most people think shes happy. most people would say they'd love to have what she has: everything she ever wanted and asked for. but what if all she wanted was those memories she never had? what if all she wanted was to never experience the pain of letting go? what if she wanted someone to simply take away the emptiness she's felt all her life? what if, the one thing she wanted most, was to feel important, or feel special, or feel loved. what if she just wanted to be happy?

sometimes little gestures could mean the world to someone...

open day!

2005-08-27T21:45:00.000+10:00

Ahhhh... feeeling much better today! Well, besides the fact that my legs are going to drop any minute, I'm glad I got to get out of the house today and go Sydney Uni and UTS open days.

Anyways, we ended up going to usyd really late because we had tutor. By the way, Mai and Truc were fully distracted during tutor. I think because I was sitting between them, and they couldn't keep their hands off me.

(Mai pulls Julie's hair, Julie is doing work)
Julie: Owww something is pulling my hair
(Julie ignores it and continues doing work, Mai pulls Julie's hair again)
Julie: Fuck man, I swear something is pulling my hair.
(Truc laughs, Julie turns to Mai and realises it was her and hits her)

Fun fun fun.... If only every lesson of tutor was as fun as today's.

We ended up at usyd at around 11ish and we were starving!!! It took us forever to get from Yagoona to Central because we had to wait at Bankstown for like 15mins and then it turned around and went back to Yagoona... PFFT!! I hate public transport!! The day started off pretty slow, because we didn't have any energy to do anything *points to tummy*. Well, we saw a lot of people we knew, and I saw some people I didn't like. Met up with William and just walked around the Uni doing jackshit. Bloody idiot tricked me and told me that Sonny Bill was at the Uni, I actually believed him, and went to look for him. =/

Sydney was boring and so we decided to go to UTS. And I must say, UTS looks pretty in the inside.... It just looks like a piece of shit from the outside. There were a few guys here and there. And pink shirt guy who we saw in KFC turned out to be ugly and we kept seeing him, even at the end of the day. And PINK JACKET GUY!!! OMG!!!! hahahaha It was amazing!!! We saw him at UTS and I dared Mai to go ask for his number for 10 dollars. She was too scared, so I upped the price to 15 bucks, she kept going back and forwards, so I upped the price again to 20 bucks and 25 bucks if he gives her his number. But oh well, she was too scared!! HAHAH You woman! We looked like idiots lingering around and waiting for Mai to pick him up... But oh wells, he went in the elevator and disappeared... until.... We saw him again at Pitt Mall at the end of the day!!! LOL. Gosh, it was like fate! Anyways, heaps of fat ugly guys were checking Mai out. Mabe she's attracted to all the fat guys... No offense to the other guys. hahah I'm jking babes.

Truc and William decided to go home after our visit to UTS. Well Truc went to her Mum's shop and gay Willie went home. Mai and I just wondered around in Myers. She brought this really nice jacket!!! Omg, I was going to buy it too... But i was scared my mum was going to tell me off. It was 70 bucks!! pffft.

Anyway, the day was alright I guess. The pink jacket guy made it fun.

Well, I admitted something today, that I never thought I would ever say. =/ But I shall not think about it and try to forget it!!! It's impossible!

2005-08-26T00:37:00.000+10:00

i hate it so much when u fail.
and i hate it even more when u tried ur best.

so okay, i didnt exactly fail my eng - i passed overall. but i can't literally stop crying. i'm so disappointed in myself and i'm so pissed off at myself, knowing that the one subject i tried for - i wasn't even good at. the one subject i usually kill i totally and utterly fucked up. i regret trying to hard cos my marks reflect of a 5 year old. okay so im exaggerating but im just so pissed at myself. i've never cried so much for an exam and bloody hell. i know deep down i should've tried harder. but fuck, whats the point of trying when u don't even go well? i might as well give up and... i duno.. live off the dole. such a complete idiot.

and i know everyone says that if u kil ur hsc, ur trial mark will go up. well, wat happens if i did so badly in my trials that it doesnt scale me. instead i fucking get scaled down. yea thats fucking great... theres no one im more pissed at but myself. i hate myself for being a complete failure; i should have tried harder yet i didn't and its my fault cos im stupid. fuck.

i tried hard for that fucking 15% cleopatra speech motherucking piece of shit and i bombed that massively. like wtf? the only thing im satisfied (somewhat) with is English AOS but that weighting is jackall so yay go mai, go well in something that doesn't even fucking count much. ugh. *hits self. and that 2u maths mark is just looking more fuckig ugly to me now..

i seriously hate english. i soo hate myself. tried so fucking hard... yet failed miserably. whats the point of trying ??

dreams

2005-08-25T22:32:00.000+10:00

I'm scared to go to sleep tonight.
Because I'm scared of what I'm going to dream about.

Last night was the first night I woke up crying.
I died in that dream.
A train hit me.

But then again, how can you actually die in a dream. I thought it was impossible, but I remembered waking up and not being scared of death anymore. So does that mean my heart stopped beating for a few seconds while I was sleeping? Or was the dream just some metaphorical thing...

Has anyone had any wierd dreams lately??
And no.. not kinky ones lol.

shit!

2005-08-22T00:48:00.000+10:00

fuckkkk! i was fine today right until i visited some sites and i fully feel sooo bloody.. sad? argh it finally hit me, i'm leaving sefton high. so much as happened in my 5 (or is it 6?) years at this school and just sitting here reading emails from year 8 (!!) and visiting old old old blogs and old old old secret sites and everything makes me cry. yes i'm crying right now. i don't want to leaveee! *grabs hold of silver seats* i don't want to grow up. sefton high has been the place where i've gorwn up, my teenage years, my personal growth and maturity... sefton high school, and laugh as you may, has been my life! admit it! we were all forced to go to school, it became part of our daily dooings and now.. in 4 or so more weeks.. there is..no more school. imagine that. what will i do with my life? i'm in control now. but i dont want to be. i'm scared. i'm very very scared. i don't want to step into the big world. i don't want to work and pay taxes (which btw, i dont even know how it fuckin works!). i don't want to vote (nor have a enrolled haha) and i don't want to drive (not that i can..). i don't want to be old!!! *cries* i want to get driven to school everyday, i want to walk into the school and laugh at the graffitti on the walls, i want to give death stares are the little year 9 wannabes who try and block my path cos they're so egotisical, i want to see my friends and avoid julie at all costs, i want to kick bao and slap kerry, i want to bumslap siv and loo and lisa and everyone else..!

i want to stay. i want to hold onto the memories i've made at sefton. the good and the bad. i remember coming in year 7 and meeting one of my first few friends, those including hellen, kat and philip n? funny how those friendships are no longer there. i guess we all went our seperate ways. i remember year 9 when julie came and it was like i met this seriously crazy hyperactive girl. the same year i met stephen liang. haha funny cunt. unfortunately, those friendships are still there! haha. i remember year 10 when i met peter... first inschool bf and first love too. but that also ended a good 20 months later, tears at times, but happiness too. atleast i learnt how to love? i remember year 11 when siv came.. it was like bimbo twins. the fun times i shared with siv, the tears and the kinkiness and just.. the laughter. i remember making her home.. my home. hehehe. i remember my best friend, andrew. yea that gay bumhole is still my friend (eww haha). love him heaps of course. i remember year 11 becoming closer to suely and annette... gossiping and sharing stupid secrets. and the times at camp where annette and tina jumped on me cos they were scared of ghosts.. flattened me too. i remember me and kat being close. me and philip. me and anthony d. me and lisa. me and colin. me and shirley. fuck. so much memories. i lied when i said i couldnt think of memorable moments or funny moments. sefton's been full of it all for me. and i dont regret it. friendships end. friendships blossom. watever. in the end they were good times.

i'm sitting here talking to my old friends. just chit chatting, asking wat they regret. and i asked something very personal to which i got the reply "nah, they were the best years of my life." and so ... yes that made me cry even more. i'm letting go of everything. no grudges. nothing. i wanna leave sefton high on a happy note, in the last week i've fixed up old friendships or they have or watever, and it feels good. talking to peter now has made me realise that i didnt learn to appreciate sefton at all until now? and he's right cos here i am, crying my eyes out. and we havent graduated yet. i know that no matter how much i say i hate sefton, deep down i don't wanna leave. moving on isnt hard its letting go that is. i guess partof me is afraid that once i leave sefton, thats it. no more andrew. no more julie. no more bao. or truc. or vincent. or suely. or siv. or mylinh. or anthony!!! (no more jokes! aww hehe) it's goodbye? and i know everyone says they're determined to keep friendships, but wat if ppl just drift and then lose touch? we're all gonna be in a world all alone... i dont wanna be alone. this is so drepressing. i think im gonna cry myself to sleep tonite. hahaha =(

to all my friends: i love each and everyone one of you soo soo so very much. thru the fights, the laughter the tears - watever - i still appreciate all ur friendships, all the time you guys spent looking after me, seeing if i'm okay - everything... i am so grateful that i met guys like you. and although we might drift.. as much as i dont want to.. know that the friendships remains. andrew ur my bestest friend and we've gone thru heaps and heaps - theres no way i'm ever gonna lose touch with u, unless of course u dun want me nemore! haha. i've realised that this friendship wasnt meant to be thrown away cos here we are, after all that shit, still the best of friends. julie bitch. god i dun even know what to write/say. you're adorable! ur so easy for me to talk to, you relate to me and i dont even have to say nething and you kno wat i'm thinking? like..WTFBBQ! or watever william says. haha. ur my bestest girlfriend babe - i love u sooo soo much. it's us forever alrite? AND TRUC TOOO!!!! ahh, can't forget truc, the one who looks after me and remembers me and everything. so much stuff bewteen us babe, but at the end of the day, i still love u. we might drift but i know that we'll still be okay - friends till the end babe. Bao and Vincent and Kerry ohh man.. my boys.. what can i say *kicks and bites*. stupid faggots. hehee. Bao youre like my bro, always there for me to complain to. Vincent ur like my bitch! haha. but nonetheless i love tlaking 2 u cos its so easy and u always listen not judge. and kerry. well kerry... ur just there to hug me when im down and i appreciate that. i dun like ur gayness. ur too gay. haha jk jk. i love u guys soo muchh *cries* Suely and Siv and Annette and Mylinh. gosh i duno what to say; i'm not totally close 2 u girls but i can trust u gurls and thats enough for me to mention you guys.. u guys pulled me thru the bad times, kept me company and accepted me. therefore u guys deserved to be mentioned - i love u 4 girls heaps! nameless crew ohh man. this is getting hard. each one of u gurls has impacted my life somehow. yes that sounds strange but its true. and im glad that we're all friends and all happy with one another - though i'm not close with you guys like best friends, u guys are still close to me, and i feel so lucky to be apart of such an honest group of girls. i wouldnt have wanted nething else =)

this is so sad. i still can't stop crying. =(

i cut my hair! ... but u cant tell the difference :(

2005-08-20T19:53:00.000+10:00

*yawns* ever since trials ended i've been so sleepy. and it doesn't help with me staying up into the late hours of the night chatting or something. i should be studying and i said i would but damn, i feel so lazy! i got modern history back and i got 60% ? i'm happy cos i did not study for it, and i still managed to pass =) the trials have taught me to study and by study i acutally mean learning everything not just sitting there with a highlighter and highlighting every second word. lol hahah. we get more exams back on monday and wednesday - eng and maths - and i'm so not ready for my fail in eng. i'm so scared of failing :'(
anyway school sucks. i've been thinking... i'm really gonna miss sefton. it's where i grew up! where i met my friends, where i feel in love, where i found my best friend, my bitches... aww. =( (dw loo, i miss u too! haha) it's sad really, i'll be leaving sefton highschool...with a big bang! why? cos im turning 18 on the last day too! so i'll be crying on my bday. heheh. funny. anyway this was quite a pointless blog, but im bored. just wanna say happy brithday anthony for 2mr. best wishes in everything dude! love ya!

and here's some pics for u... of wat i did.. today...

damn straight! i dyed it. haha. 4 streaks underneath and 2 in the middle of nowhere.. i whink the lady messed it up.. but..yep. i cut it too =] and ive finally decided on my formal dress *big smile* jus hope my date dusn outlook me.. or look better.. or watever. haha. whats that word. out..look? nooo! omg the one where they look better then u hahaha. bloody. im sexy haha

2005-08-19T00:37:00.000+10:00

But it's alright
Why don't you tell me again
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends
It's alright
Why don't you tell me my friend
How you'll be with me
When the heartache ends
Rob Thomas

Promise that you'll never leave me lonely
I just wanna be the one you need
Oh baby
I just wanna be the one to serve you
Sometimes I feel as if I don't deserve you
I cherish every moment that we share
Boys II Men

If there's one spark of hope left in my grasp
I'll hold it with both hands
It's worth the risk of burning
To have a second chance
No, no, no, no, no, nooo I need you baby
I still believe that we can be together
Ooooohoh no no nooo
If we believe that true love never has to end
Then we must know that we will love again
Mariah Carey

I've held you too many times to count
I think I know you inside out
And we're together most days
But I still love to have you around

You're the one I want and it's not just phase
You're the one I trust, our love is the real thing
Gwen Stefani

aww, i love my music. and i love rnb. *dreamy sigh* so, life's taken a weird turn.. i'm heading in a very different direction; whose gonna be with me? whose gonna support me? will my friends be there to look after me? will i have my gorgeous ppl to lean on?

we'll see... when the time comes. i hope my expectations are right this time..

2005-08-16T18:23:00.000+10:00

EW. YUCK. DISGUSTING. *covers eyes and throws aways exam papers*
as if give me back the most horrible exam i've done ever before (modern). I failed like a homeless m'fking biatchh!! like man, well i haven't got all sections back, one more, but my god atm im hopelessly failing and flapping my arms around in the air so omg.. please dear god, let me pass like u left me for legal in midterms.. gimme a 2% above the half mark!! haha. serves me right for not trying/studying as much as i could.
then i got business back, i duno wat was worse. yea i passed business, prolly did alrite too, but FUCK i am pissed off cos i was so marked unfairly. i'm gonna ask for it to get remarked, cos my extended had EVERYTHING the trial examiners suggested in it, and even more, it was in thr right order! like omg and as if i get so crap :'( gonna complain and get my rightful mark. haha. i just need 2 more marks in it and im happy schmappy! pleasee dear god gimme 2 more marks (or more) :(
i reckon they should have given me back maths! damn straight! get a good 90% + in that bitch!!
UGH im so annoyed atm. and i won't be going to the boysIImen concert :( i'm so sad, i went home and cried. haha. sigh* oh well not his fault he doesn't wanna go/take me - i can't make someone take me. though i must admit i am kinda sad..since if i could ask for anything for my bday, it would be to go. =( but.. oh well. i'll live.
omg mannn i feel like crappp *cries non stop* i even stopped reading HP cos i'm so upset :'( :'( :'(
bhrtbhfdhtrjnyfjytjmhgyjg

okay well i'll end it here, except with an extract from me and thomas' convo. he's asking if i know this song played on BB last night, and i asked him to gimme some lyrics, and this is how he explains it:

-thOmas//..all i ever think about CONGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!!!! OMGYAY! says:
sumfin
-thOmas//..all i ever think about CONGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!!!! OMGYAY! says:
more than friends
-thOmas//..all i ever think about CONGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!!!! OMGYAY! says:
less then lovers
-thOmas//..all i ever think about CONGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!!!! OMGYAY! says:
and sumfn sumfn sumfn
bäybeh maì. "no matter what i do i feel the pain, with or without you." says:
HAHAHAHAHA idiot

well, can't criticise him too much - atleast he tried =P

Happy Bday Van =)

2005-08-15T18:13:00.000+10:00

happy 18th birthday van! *hug*

i hope you had a fun fun day! and i hoped we surprised you, but i think we did anyway, seeing ur reaction! heheh. we also hoped you liked the present :D clinque is coool!

anyways! yep, today we headed out for van's surprise bday party. i've never been to a surprise one before - it's quite fun! hehe. but before that Jenny kindaly accompanied me to Parra to buy my Harry Potter book, along with Dan Brown's book. I can't wait to get started even though some people *stares at a certain friend* thinks that Harry Potter is gay. ohh puhlease. he's cool! you're just jealous he gets all the attention =P anyway, yep, and then jenny and i decided to do a bit of shopping. and man... we spent ages looking for sunnies and we both found one! i really wanted some yellow lenses but i settled for pink ones - they're so cute. hehe. and jenny got pink frames. and then we did a bit of shopping and i brought myself a poncho (??). yah! it's so nice and cute and i cannot wait to wear it =) Jenny got herself a skirt as well! i wanted her to buy this really nice shirt hehe but she didnt :( and then we headed off to Homebush for Van's party at the restaurant. i didn't take any fotos cos i'm like, so lazy. haha. but yep, i hoped you had fun! thanks jenny for organising it with anyone else who was involved and thanks van for the..cake? =D

and now there's school 2mr and i really don't want to go. i'm considering not going actually. i mean whats the point. haha. well there is a point but... there isn't also? though i have lost all communication with friends =( but i'm so tired and i really just wanna sleep! got so many parties etc in the few coming weeks.. i'm gonna be so broke. *tear* well, mai's happier now. i think things are starting to look up... hopefully. anyway, that was my day. exciting? uhh very tiring. *nods* and now i'm gonna go sleep x) *throws love to all*

[edit] omg omg. the logans won. yes they are fucking hot. omg. esp logan david (yes, i know they are twins and therefore tey look the same) but man logan david PHAOR. hehehe. ilove the blondy highlights. omg *drools* but gotta say logan greg's smart

greg : Guys get turned one from what they see... girls get turn on from what they hear - what they feel.

that's so true. its what comes from the heart that means the most. it's what we feel that affects us most.

can you keep a secret?

2005-08-14T18:47:00.000+10:00

below are some 'postcards' taken from postsecret.blogspot.com. they are not mine and i am not stealing them. they belong to the anonymous (?) people who posted them. yet i post them cos .. it's how i feel.

i think i just made the hugest and biggest mistake in my whole life.

headache

2005-08-13T20:38:00.000+10:00

http://www.gongsters.blogspot.com/ new blog... well not new blog, just a mucking around one. WIlliam decided to do it... bored asss. It's williams, peters and mine. enjoy.

oh dear me.... My head hurts! I've been playing games and watching House since 2 in the arvo.... *rubs head* Anyway, I'm so bored right now.

Amazing news my parents let me go to the Bulldog's game!!! Well they didn't exactly say yes, But my mum said that if I wanna risk my HSC then by all means, GO. I was half happy and half unwilling to go when she said this. Like omg, they let me go and all, but they try to make me feel quilty at the same time? What the hell is that?? arrrrgh Well, after the Bulldog's embarassing lost against Parramatta, I've kind of lost hope in them becoming premiers again. All their good players are gone!! grrr... Oh but I kind of want to go cause this dude from tutor went to the game last night and he got to sit close to Sonny Bill and Utai??!?! MAD!! So should I go or not???

Damn, my head really hurts, I should go and do something. Do you guys know any good online games??

FINALLY OVER!

2005-08-11T22:27:00.000+10:00

YAY! The Trials are finally oveeer!!! Well, I don't feel too happy since I have this feeling that I failed chem, phys and 4u. Omg. Fuck this shit. My mum asked me how I think I went in the trials and I just mumbled shit. And I must say, I tried cramming as much physics in my head as much as possible and I tried doing it in the library too.... BUT SOME PEOPLE WOULDN'T SHUT UP! *glares at William* Well, lucky Dike told everyone to shut up! It's so slack, cause she didn't let us talk! People can study together in the libary can't they?!

Anyways, enough of that. Today was the first day that I didn't have any work to do! Usually it would be tutor homework, but not today!!! Well, I cleaned my desk. Bloody took me an hour and a half! It was disgusting and it gave me a headache too! I should've taken a before and after photo.

Oh, I gotta mention this. Julie came to school at like 12.25 and she saw us lining up outside the hall. The exam started at 12.30 and she thought it started at 1 or something. LOL. You should've seen her reaction! lol. She was planning to study for an hour or so before the exam and she tried to read through everything in that 5minutes! Crazy woman.

Well, that is all for now. Goodluck Mai and Sarah and the other modern history people for tomorrow, oh and goodluck William and Sarah again and the other Bio people for tomorrow.

I shall get back to my games and sleep late and wake up late and do nothing tomorrow~! YAY!! *jumps up and down* Wish I could go exploring.

2005-08-10T17:03:00.000+10:00

don't ever have expectations
don't ever have standards
don't ever think the best of people
don't ever think they'll always be there
don't ever say to yourself they care
don't ever say to yourself things will be okay
don't ever dream
don't ever fantasize
don't ever have hope
don't ever have faith
don't ever care for someone
don't ever love someone
don't ever give someone everything
don't ever try and be the best person you can be
it'll save you the heartache
why?

cos people always fail your expectations. people will always hurt you.
the ones you care about the most are the ones who don't care about you.
and the ones they care about are the ones who don't care about them.
and me? well, i cared about you.

=(

2005-08-03T18:57:00.000+10:00

so, okay, i said i would not go online but i'm so sad =(
my first two exams, predominantly my strongest subjects, and i did so ugly. they were so badly done i'm ashamed.ive never felt so depressed and totally idiocy after an english exam. yes. english. the only subject i come close to being good at. i finally realised i suck. i failed. i have no hope.
:( i know i said i was gonna prepare for these trials but i don't know whats happened. actually i can blame a lot of people/things haha. *points to internet* nah nah.. i'm just plain lazy =( i'm gonna try for my other subjects but... maybe it'll boost my results again. legal tomorrow... then break... then a whole week of something. *sigh* i feel utterly and completely useless =( and it sucks cos the one person i wanna turn to is *looks away* not talking to me. :( :( :( not that i dont appreciate everyone else =) but yea... i don't get how ppl can just avoid/ignore others and yea... i duno. i just feel so gayed up! what's done is done huh? can't dwell on the past :(
which was what i was doing today... looking through past photos and memories of the happier times and i realised i really (x10000000000) missed someone =(

You let me bite you, hit you, slap you and any other forms violence
I can look at you and just laugh – especially when you’re eating =)
You tell me I’m sexy, hot, pretty and any thing else that makes me sound good! x)
You make me realise that the only things I need in life are my friends – cause no matter what you’ll be there for me – and you’ll make me happy...

i hate remembering the past when you no longer have it in the present :'(

[edit]
i should be happy. i should be joyful. i should be cheerful.
but im not.
i'm finally 'free' (atleast for the next week or so) from being hurt. from being sad. from feeling that pain inside.
the trials should be a distraction. but it's not. cause ive realised something else that i'm hopeless at: school.
in reality, im not free.
instead of looking outside and seeing the clear blue sky, sun shining and birds chirping on a winter's day
i see clouds. big dark gloomy clouds covering every spec of the sky.
i see the grey mist and i feel the depressing atmosphere.
i know that in reality the dark grey clouds fill me up inside and, just liek the sky, cover up every spec of me.
until, finally in the end. im left alone. with nothin but emptiness inside.
and not even you can pull me out. why? cause ur no longer here.
[/edit]

taking back sunday- cute without the e

2005-08-01T19:12:00.000+10:00

Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know you'll never love me

ahhhh What a shit day! First day of the trials today... IT WAS FUCKED! Sorry for the swearing but thats how shit it was. I did the essay first and I hope I did goood. I even did it in 40 minutes but I spent like 50minutes on reading and writing which was a bitch because my section two was only a page and a half long. Anyway, the physics prac was alright since we've done the prac in class already. My face was all red after the exams. And my head hurt. grrrr The exams are going to get worse. *cries*

I hope the people who wrote the exams decided to go easy on us this time for 3u and 4u. If they don't, then I'm going to bang my head.

I shouldn't be wasting my time writing this blog up... pffft.

OH BTW I MIGHT BE GOING TO A BULLDOGS GAME!!!! bulldogs vs tigers! *nods* That's if Sarah gets the free tickets and my mum lets me... SHE HAS TO LET ME RIGHT?!

2005-07-31T23:58:00.000+10:00

i should stop lying to myself.

i'll never be able to heal the pain that you've caused in my heart.

The postal service- Nothing better

2005-07-30T22:10:00.000+10:00

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

I decided to go Mai style and post lyrics! Words can not express the situation I'm in. What I feel and stuff like that. So I revert to music. It's the only way I can really express my feelings.

Goodluck everyone! study hard

plug back in internet cable

2005-07-29T11:01:00.000+10:00

alrite i caved! haha i can't last without my net =( but it's ok, cos that 2 weeks without msn thing hasn't started yet. i'll start this sunday, i promise =) but for now this will be my last blog.. some good news and some bad news!

firstly i got my uai estimate and gosh. i am shocked =O i was seriously expecting something in the 80s but hey, i got higher! so im happy. now i realise i have potential! hahah. so i should study - and i promise i'll try ok? god i hateee being so lazy =x

secondly that lil problem from before *points to previous blog* i think im kinda over it... friend told me today that just to not let it get to me cos obviously the person prolly doesn't realise what they're doing? might be true... might not be, but basically, i just wanna be happy. so im willing to try again to forget things and ignore things and yahh. be naive! yea hope it works...but first the person actually hasta talk 2 me..and uhh.. yea *shrugs

thirdly, today i did something nice. hehehe. went school in the morning (thanks for the lift colin!) to hand in some prac essays, anthony's speech and get modern history work. gahh wata GEEK. yes. did some stuff for bao and i was hoping someone could drive me to the station but oh no.. no one could =( so.. i walked myself. haha. a good 20 mins mate. faraout give me a medal! anyway that wasn't the nice thing i did. hahah. this lady was at this atm and she looked lost and i was walking past and she asked me to withdraw money for her? and i was like..wtf is she serious? but i did it neway, helped her work the atm (thank god i learnt how to work it too forgot who taught me but hehe) and then yep, she thanked me and walked off. it felt good to help someone =) and she took out $150.00 like ooosh i wish i had that! hehehe but yea.. i helped her out and yea. it felt good haha.

hmm im also gonna start driving lessons after the trials (which is next week). like god its about time mai learnt how to drive huh? cos yes once i learn this girl's getting a new car! haha my choice! =] any good cars u guys recommend? i have no idea abt cars but ino one thing - it hasta be red. hehehe i lovee red! sucha sexy hot colour! and i want a cd player haha though most cars have that already yes? and i dun want it too big =) ohhh excitement! *claps

neway time to go study ... or... attempt to study. hehe goodluck to all year 12s doing their trials! best of luck =D don't stress, stay calm and yep, hsc isnt everything! *rolls eyes

2005-07-24T22:28:00.000+10:00

STUDY YOU STUPID BITCH. STUDYYYY! *UNPLUGS CABLE*

procrastination is sucha pain in the ass. can someone please invent like.. something that'll like make me work? hahaha. better yet..someone get me a rolling pin! need to take swings at certain things. >=/

STUDY EVERYONE. STUDY. goodbye blog *waves* (oh btw! did i mention i got 9/10 for my modern history speech? YEA baby, pretty good for a speech written the night ebfore and one that definately isnt worth a 9.. or even a 8 haha) NOW I MUST GO... TO KILL MYSELF. *NODS*

man. a friend was just talking 2 me and he said stuff like... i shouldn't be ashamed or sorry for who i am. and he's right. he goes it's not my fault that things are this way and I shouldnt have to be the one to take it all in and attempt to change for the benefit of someone else. and although that's all true - i can't help but feel like its thats giving up, its me that's making things harder, its me that doesn't try and talk. that it's simply...me that's messed up. regardless of how much you've hurt me, i still try and make it ok. and when you go and talk to other people and just leave me there, alone, it hurts. how am i supposed to keep trying? if you actually sat and listened to me, you'll understand how hard it is for me and how much i need you to try. if only you cared enough to ask me 'how are u' or 'hows life been' you'll understand what i'm going thru. but no you don't even bother to ask. so i guess you just wont know what im going thru...or how much im hurting from other things. some say that if you dont open up to people then they can't hurt you. so why is this hurting me?

p.s
im sorry im not the perfect person that you may want me to be
im sorry that i cant forgive and forget easily
im sorry that i make things harder for you
im sorry that im not strong enough to not get hurt by things
im sorry im not fun, talkative, easy going, calm or... normal
you can't expect me to be ok, not after everything
i guess we both made a mistake -
you hurting me & me letting you hurt me.
blah.
im sorry i can't be the person you want me to be, the person u feel most close to.
cos no matter how hard i try - i won't ever be able to be that person again.
but thats okay, because you, unlike me, will always have...them.
and in the end, its what makes you happy that makes me happy.
so.. i hoope u really are happy. i really do mean that.

2005-07-22T20:21:00.000+10:00

Switchfoot - On Fire
But everything inside you knows
Says more than what you’ve heard
So much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words..

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be... (near you)

Cause everything inside looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I’ll take

Westlife - Can't Lose What You Never Had
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losin' you
You can't lose what you never had

I've been keepin' it inside feelin' i could die
Now if you turn away baby that's O.K.
At least we'll have a moment
Before you say goodbye

I'll be no worse off than i am right now
And i might never get the chance again

Fear of rejection, kept my love inside
Told my heart I didn't want you but i lied

Don't wanna stay dreamin'
bout what could have been
I need to hear you speak my name
Even if you shoot me down in flames

Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily
I bruise easily
so be gentle when u handle me
Theres a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree

I found you fingerprints
on a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them
all over this heart of mine too

Anyone wo can touch you
can hurt you or heal u
Anyone who can reach you
can love you or leave u

Goo Goo Dolls - Here Is Gone
You and I got something
But it's all then it's nothing to me
I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions to me
And we wake up in the breakdown
In the things we never thought we could be

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I don't need a fall out
Of all the past that's here between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

i'm sorry i'm not strong enough to let go of the past..

hmph

2005-07-19T23:45:00.000+10:00

NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! SOOOOO ANNOYING I TELL YOU! I'm not suppose to be online at the moment but I just got on to remind my friend to bring my calculator tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm not annoyed at that!! I'm annoyed at school and the Harry Potter book. I finihsed reading it and omg!! I reckon the ending was too rushed. The book was too short I tell you! Nothing really happened, it just went on about the same thing blah blah. But I swear, once i read it, I couldn't stop. It's alright I guess, but compared to her other books, this one is not as good. So yeh. I miss Harry Potter now. I want to keep reading *cries* *kicks Trials*

I shall go now. I gave up on nearly everything after the holidays. Tv (Home and Away, 24 I would say The OC but I've watched the episodes so many times I'm sick of it but I still like it!), Net and other personal stuff. I wish I could give up on tutor and school and studying. It's disgusting shit.

My mum's bday tomorrow. yay. lol. She remind us like how many times? hahaha But luckily we knew. And like any other day that is special for my mum, well everyday is special, I was planning to buy her an oroton handbag which she had her eyes on since errr when I got my wallet, but it was too expensive. So you know asians... waiting for it to go on sale... pffft. Anyways can't buy anything now, I'll make it up to her after HSC when I'm actually free!!! I owe her a lot anyway. And no I'm not going say this little thankyou speech because duh, she's not going to see it. Defeats the purpose. lol

Okay, I'm gone now. ooossh One last thing I want to mention, IM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ON SONNY BILL OR THE BULLDOGS!!! *licks lips* mmm... sonny bill.... william, if you're reading this, bring the mag for me tomorrow?? thanks!

i should be OFFLINE =O

2005-07-18T19:02:00.000+10:00

So okay im online.. but i swear i'm not on msn =) i just spent the whole day 'perfecting' my historye essay and oral presentation and i'm ready to say... i give up biatch!. that's right stuff the whole bewteen 1000-1200 word limit; im gonna be a rebel and go over by 600 words. that's right, 600! that's like a whole page. well stuff that! i've done it twice and i absolutely GIVE UP. now it's time to memorise the son of a bitch assessment called legal studies. if i pass this and get over 80.. i will do something rare...like... be nice to everyone for a day. hahaha. stuff english i HATE you and your stupid 548735846784365743 prac essays. stuff maths and your stupid what is the velocity of your projection and if i had 587947354 white balls, red balls and blue balls what is the probability that i will have exactly 584 white balls? Yes fark you too! I absolutely give up on every single one of my subjects and i look towards my future as a waitress in a cheap dingy restaurant in Chinatown. YEA!

i swear this bad mood of mine that's been here since last week will not go away. i hate this thing called school and this other thing called hsc and this other thing called life. "All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade." Damn straight it is! Everything that's good must come to an end. Nothin lasts forever. So why am i holding on to everything? cos im a sucker for happiness. chuck everything at me biatch - the laughter, the pain, the smiles, and the tears. i can take you! *grabs rolling pin* man sometimes i really wonder where my gayness comes from. i'm soo flirting with insanity =/

edit: happy loo! lols. comment away! hehee

untitled

2005-07-16T01:09:00.000+10:00

[edit] end of the rollercoaster. i duno WTF is going on nemore. trials/hsc here i come! [/edit]

happy 18th birthday phil! thanks for the party, the food.. everything. =) we don't talk much but i still remember all the lame ghost stories u used to tell me. rofls! thanks to truc n shirley n emily n bao n kerry n william n chanley who kept me copmany too! x0x

i still love hilary (:

2005-07-13T15:15:00.000+10:00

Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was blind
To let you go
I can't escape the pain
Inside
'Cause love takes time
I don't wanna be here
I don't wanna be here alone
Mariah Carey - Love Takes Time

i remember watching Raise Your Voice the first day it came out - January 1st 2005! hehehe and i remember crying right from the start ): It's sucha great movie, some ppl don't like it *grr* but i loved it! brought back memories kinda.. but still! i broughti ton dvd, the real version, for 20 bucks yesterday! i was looking for A Cinderella Story too but it's 30 bucks and i ain't paying $30. hehehe. so yep, i just finished watching it again and my face is all...cryish-ed? ahha. make sense? red eyes and blahblah! hehehe. anywayy i need advice, should i buy this really hot black semi-formal blazer? It's like..black and fits PERFECTLY and is sooo hot! thing is it costs $90 and i duno... i really like it but is it worth it?? i wanted some ugg boots too, but mylinh took forever finding hers and i dont think i'll have much luck =( and shirley turned me off when she told me about old ladies rocking up the streets with uggies.. like ookay.. heheh

Not sure what to do this weekend. Got a few plans but some of them ain't confirmed, others i can't decide if i wanna go or not. heheh. *sigh* i should be studying but hey i nearly finished my eng assessment along with 3 extra related texts for that module - powerplay. i guess im doing alrite time wise? *shrugs*

one last thing dont you absolutely hate users and copycats? faraout they piss me off soo badly >=/ i'm so sick of ppl using me and shit. like seriously don't bother nemore cos ur not gettin help from me nemore. im soo sick of helping ppl that just dont appreciate shit. *chucks rolling pin* (lisa thinks the rolling pin symbolises something kinky... hahah.)

frustration!!

2005-07-12T00:17:00.000+10:00

*kicks stoopid 4unit hotmail account* OMG THE PASSWORD IS LIKE WROOONG!! I need the answers to the stupid past papers but noooooo it won't sign me in!!! grrrrr ahshjashfjsdhf I spent 5hours trying to finish it and I'm only up to bloody question 6!!! AAAARGh!! Spent 2 hours doing the first two questions and i didn't even get distracted. *bangs head*

Anyways, I wasn't going to go on but then again, I just wanted to see who's on and stuff. I've finished writing all my notes, and now I don't know what else to do... Well there is english but omg I hate it so much! Stupid English. Why does it have to be compulsory. grrr.... Screw this! I haven't even gooone out!! No shopping, not even with my parents! I watched I am Sam again last night and I felt so quilty for wasting 3hours watching tv!!

You know what I need??? I need some looooove! awwwh Come here Mai *chases Mai*

BTW does anyone know the password to the stupid 4unit hotmail account?! ITS WHACKED I TELL YOU! I bet you one of the smart kids decided to change the password so the others don't get the answers!! hehe Just joking.... But someone please tell me the password!!

One last thing, BULLDOGS GAME is on this Friday! YAY! No Sonny Bill but Reni Metuia is hot!

[edit] phew!! everyone can sleep peacefully now... I FOUND THE PW thanks to willie wankstar!! yaaay...! but the files areee hugee! wish I had cable! [/edit]

ohhh the sadness =(

2005-07-10T13:39:00.000+10:00

first and foremost i would like to say...
THANK FUCKING GOD FOR COMPUTERS.
honestly without computers i would have to sit at my table on a stoool that makes my butt hurts enormously and ~~type~~ write up over ~~200~~ 500 pages on my subjects. like seriously. thank you my trusty old computer and laptop *hugs&kisses* imagine writing all your notes out, even though there are some people out there who do that..

contradictory to what i just previously said, ive come to learn that the best way to get things stuck in your head its to..
yes
write it out.
like slap and kick me woman! it really works! =O so now i'm typing up notes AND writing them out. waste of time? I THINK NOT MY FRIEND. it works. and it better pay off cos i am so totally wasting paper and ink. think of the poor trees *glares at shirley* =D

other than that. i've decided that to do the 40 hour i am going to... yes thats right.. you guess it.. no julie it has nothin 2 do with sex.. during the trials... i am gonna stay off MSN.. i was gonna say net but damn wat if i need it to research? or email ppl? indeed so no MSN for... not 40 hours.. but.. the WHOLE TWO WEEKS. of course theres some....conditions.. like.. if im on the verge of dying or something and need to log onto msn to tell my dear friends i love them greatly..then yes.. i shall go against my promise (gasp) and log on. who thinks i'll sruvive? *holds up hand*

lets see what i've done this past week.
1. Redid Legal Assessment (and still dissatisfied)
2. Finished Modern Assessment (and over by 1000 words haha)
3. Finished Bus.Stud. ER notes
4. Finished Mod.History Germany notes (excl.perosnality study watever shit)
5. Two more related texts for journeys, altered aos essay, 800words on ant+cleo essay
6. put on 1 kg :O and am currently at a bloody 46kg :(
7. fought with my mum every single day and hence am missing out on blazin =( (sorry vinson+chanley!) and laurens bday (cries uncontrllably)
8. found an old lost friend! yea! hiiiii hong! x)
9. did i mention i got FATTER? like damn
10. cried only ONCE. yeaaa im ona roll

yes i realised towards the end i was basically listing my 'life' during this 'holiday' break. yes i have no life. shutup. i am sam is on tonite (thats wat william said). whose ready to cry with me. ive never seen it before...

ohhh. im watching HITCH atm (its one of my faves... absolutely love it) and gosh... isn't this sweet?
"Do you know what it's like, getting up every morning? feeling hopeless? feeling the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness, even if its never gonna be with you?"
aww man. . i wish i guy felt that for me. LOLS. *sigh*
muah! xox

holiday? what's a holiday?

2005-07-07T20:02:00.000+10:00

Woke up at 8.30am today cos someone thought to himself "hey lets call Mai and wake her up!" hehe, well not really but thats what im gonna believe. Obviously i picked up, answered, then went back to sleep =) got out of bed around 9.30, then headed off to the city at 10.30 am. (i really don't kno what i did in that one hour...) anyway, trainrides up to the city on your very own is very lonesome =( met up with the birthday boy, khai, and billie =) and walked to State library. haha. my first outing of the holiday was to the library. (u cant count tuesday! i didn't wanna see him, i was meant to visit 'bob'. yes my invisible friend.) exciting stuff. but fuckkkk state library is massive (got lost a few times) and omg WOW its just..so...big! and the people are soooo nice and uno wat? they even go get the books for you - you just fill out this slip thingymabob and tada! 20 mins later right there for ya. how amazing is that? gosh i love being attended to =P got most of my intended work done (modern AND legal - go mai). khai then wanted to go check out some performances so off we went...but then they finished already..so we ate... and omgosh.. it sucks so much when idont have andrew or bao or kerry or vincent or something around to finish off my food.. like golly.. i was soo full.. first time i finished something :O all of us couldn't walk at ALL after that.. we were practically crawling. well iwas =P OH OH! we passed the um place where they film the channel 7 news? uno that palce yea? yea wow man, we saw Ian Roos and omg it was so exciting. hahaha. khai even got a foto! ahhahaha. and i waved at the people in there..but they just stared at me =( people in the city stare at me. whyyy? =( do i look that bitchy? haha. then it started to rain :O but billie needed to go to St. Mary's Cathedral..so we walked.. in the rain.. yes. some may be thinking "what mai? in the rain? no way!" (hey i am sucha cool rhymer) but yea honestly, i love walking in the rain! something so....romantic about it? not that today was romantic. like ewww. haha jk jk . but nah playing in the rain is fun. my first time ina church. i felt scared for some reason... i duno why. for 16 years of my life. oh no i mean 17 years haha SHIT i'm 17? omg i am OLD. oh yea so wat was i saying? damn.. oh yea ahhaa. first time ina church. yup. it wasn't so scary afterwards. theres a feeling of... duno. makes u feel calm. *nods* ohhh i nearly got run over but yea.. that's nothin. hahah. other stuff happened.. but now i can't remember nething =/ oh this mean mean old man told me off for tlaking. like gosh..shutup... and go take a shower..and wash ur hair.. its like so dry. eww? oh and this freak in the library kept staring at me ... like omg... paedophile!!! gross. and yea. that was mai's exciting day. -_-" i'm sure i forgot to mention stuff but watever. oh yea this strnager called me bossy (she was joking) and khai laughed. u stupid bitch (khai that is). haha i'm not bossy! i just told khai to move out of the way cos hes fat n blockin the path. or something along those lines. gees i am so not bossy. quite the opposite man. well yea. i'm tired. =(

i have a new ... desire? i duno but i really really want shoes. my dog chewed mine *cries* and i want a jacket... not like a casual one but a semi-formal one.. like gosh.. i want black..cos i realsied... i dont have any black jackets. *shock* who would've guessed. i want a white one too! i just duno when the next time i'll go shopping *sigh. sutpid scholo. speaking of school. everyone say "mai ur so smart" cos baby i taught myself ant+cleo. hahaha. after reading god knows how many essays online, one bos sites, studymates, blah blah EVERYTHING oh my god. i understand it. and gasp, i even wrote my own essay. it's not DONE hahaha but hey its going good. esp when i only spent one day learning the module =) *hi5s herself* also did a bunch of related texts... now im just choosing random things n analysing it.. haha call me gay =) and uhh yes. i redid my legal assessment. ahhahaa. i remember melissa made fun of me for doing it the day i got it.. but watever hahaha. and yes... 2mr is friday..friday is talk to mai night.. friday is relaxation night.. friday night is when someone comes over and takes me for some icecream xD who's turn?!

oh. i stole this off cyd's site. the link.. not the result. ha ha ha... i am a psycho. go mai! i think its precise: i am selfish and stubborn, i do worry and talk alot, i am very very difficult (haha i realised to what extent on tuesday rofls) and i do..uh... ok. i sound mean. LOLS. am i still loveed? indeed i am! vincent loves me dont u? hahaa.

Eysenck's Test Results

Extraversion (60%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Neuroticism (59%) moderately high which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Psychoticism (50%) medium medium which suggests you are moderately self interested, willful, and difficult, while still respecting the well being of others.

Take Eysenck Personality Test (similar to EPQ-R)
personality tests by similarminds.com

gay holidays

2005-07-07T00:06:00.000+10:00

ARgh!!! These holidays have turned into a total nightmare!!! My mum has been waking me up at like 9 and making me go running in the friggin cold wet park. I hate it!! Anyway, enough of that. I wish I can go out. It's like I'm in jaaaaail!!! I can't goooo anywheeereeeee!!! *cries* *sniffs* Oh, did you guys know that there's a Miss Vietnam-USA pageant. It's the most shittest gayest thing ever. The chicks have no boobs whatsoever, and some of them have this flab bouncing around when they walk. No sex appeal at all. It's so embarassing.

One, last thing, HAPPY BDAY KHAI! hope you have a good one.

[edit] yea happy bday khai! i hate u so much, but its ok, u can't help being a fag. its ok i forgive u. now go away. ohh and also i would like to say that julie told me she thinks i am super cool (im mai haha) and that she thinks im realllllyyy sexy! and hell yea i agree with her ;') *slaps* [/edit]

question of the day:

2005-07-06T16:04:00.000+10:00

do you think that asians multiply at the speed of light cos we've never really been given talks about the 'birds and the bees' ??

is it even called 'the birds and the bees'? birds and bees don't relate to each other =x (uhh for those who don't understand me - tina - i'm tlaking about SEX. hahaha, what else does Mai ever talk about?)

2005-07-04T23:43:00.000+10:00

~~i am so scared right now. im shaking. =(~~

[edit 5.07.05] scratch that! i feel good! ohh, i finally got that off my chest. and yea, it feels good. i hope in a way my effort paid off, as in it made some affect, or was beneficial somehow. How? i Don't know, but i can only hope that it was =S Nonetheless, i spoke my mind, opened up my heart and just let everything out (including a lot of tears) and i can honestly say that YUP i've said everything on my mind. I should have done it a long long time ago. That was my only regret =( But now i don't feel worried or paranoid or anything. I actually feel *gasp* alrite! :O That's surprising. If this persons reading it... i know im protective sometimes, oh man, more like all the time. but i can't help it, it's just the way i am. and you can see why im sooo protective (i.e. the ppl around you). it's just a character flaw of mine, but i'm not ashamed of it. i care for you and umm yea... i just don't want you to change or get treated badly by others. i want you to stay the same. speaking honestly, i had doubts as to whether you were really influenced by them or not (i don't think that line makes sense) but today i realised as i crying my eyes out and you were hugging me that nah, there's no way they could change you. you're mine!! >=D (man that doesnt look like an evil face, but uno what i mean.) we've been through way too much - and its clear that we have a strong friendship, how else would we have sruvived this far? yea there's problems... but it'll be alrite yea? as long as we got each other (or u have me..since i'm cool..and i dont need u hahah)

can i have my elephant back? =P jk haha

oh one last thing. in that 'street' kinda talk haha i duno what its fucking called.. yea well
bitch..

YOU GOT SERVED!!!

hahahha fully got busted bro! atleast be good at lying. hahahaha

2005-07-02T21:37:00.000+10:00

HAPPY BDAY TRUC FOR SUNDAY!!!! I DIDNT FORGET!!! HONESTLY I DIDNT!!

now yoou're all old and saggy. ewwww

omg I typed up a whole blog and it didn't publish so now I have to do it again. grr..

Let me recap... The last two days of term2 was quite fun. Well yeh. It was okay! On Thursday we went on a Chem excursion to the Maritime Museum. It was pissing rain the whole day and we had to walk in the bloody rain! Anyways, it was pretty hectic in the morning. You go Sarah!! Rebel against the institution! Show them what you're made of! Btw, what did Coombes say to you??

We walked to the station and I must say, the ground was covered with worms!!! Well, it wasn't really. I counted around 20 worms on the ground to the Station excluding the worms I saw on the pathway into school. It was funny because I told Julie S to look out for worms, and I kept seeing them near her feet and she kept dodging them, but luckily she finally stepped on a huge ass one. hehe

Anyways, the train ride was alrite, we were totally disturbing the peace. Well, the day was divided into two sections. During the first half of the day we had to do some theory stuff and examine some stuff. We were divided into four groups and had to rotate around the room to different workstations. It was pretty boring. My eyes were killing me because I was wearing contacts. I think it was because my eyeballs were dry and the contacts were stuck to my eyeballs. Does that make sense? Anyways, after we got the boring stuff over and done with, we got to go on the ships- The Vampire and The Onslow which was a submarine. It was soo fun!!! Omg, the beds in the submarine were so small! and it was cool climbing into the little doors which were like little holes like the ones in Titanic! hehe We were only allowed to stay on The Vampire which was the ship for 5mins, but we ended up staying on it for around 15mins. Omg, it was fun! We ran to the end of the ship well to the front and I started waving to William and stuff on the ground at the entrance to the Museum. We were so excited that we forgot that it was raining and by the time we figured out it was raining, we ran up the stairs to get out of the ship but it was a dead end!!! We ran around and it was another dead end!! We ran downstairs (I was so scared that I was going to slip) and we ran around and it was another dead end! Omg it was kind of scary. Lucky we didn't get that wet! We kept passing this asian guy who was taking photos or filming something and he probably thought we were maniacs running around the ship. Anyways, we were lucky enough to get back to the group.

The excursion kind of ends there, Julie, Sarah, Billie, Yajing, Mai and I stayed back and while the rest of the people went home. We spent like half and hour trying to look for a toilet because our hair was totally wet and some of us needed to piss. It was frustrating running up and down the stairs looking for the bloody toilet in QVB. Anyways, we ate and went window shopping. We kept going into those girly shops (poor Sarah had to wait for us outside). I didn't bring a lot of money.. but FREE SAMPLES were cool!!! haha *looks at Julie* She's the most asian girl ever. haha Well that was it! Wait.... NINEWEST HAS A 50% OFF SALE AND JULIE AND I WANTED TO GOOO BUT THE STUPID LADY MADE US WAIT OUTSIDE BECAUE IT WAS PACKED, we didnt even end up going because I didn't want the others to wait! pffft. The day ends there. The train ride home was boring. I was by myself and I must say, it's kind of scary going on the train by yourself!

juuuulieeeeeeeeeeesssssss

ewwwwwwww

walking back to the station!

Future scientists!! Scott and Mylinh did the gay experiment while Billie, Sarah, Julie, Walid and I watched... how joyful

Okay, well that was Thursday... There was a stop work meeting on Friday and so I got to sleep in!! yay! Well, I was suppose to go to school early to give Truc her little birthday cake (thanks to William) but I friggen missed out because my fag of a sis didn't want to go to school early. Far out. The chicks practiced the whole day for their dance. And yep..... Nothing else fun.

Talent quest was a total let down. Stupid Phat crew. They're so overrated! They weren't even good. Well they were but pfft not as good as the Prancers. The prancers had professional training. I think they did... Well the choreographer was pretty pro. I think. LOL. But Phat crew sucked. They're whole dance wasn't flowy and they stuffed up abit. Well a lot. I was watching the clip of them dancing and omg, they spent most of the time talking to each other and getting into position. It was kind of boring. LOL at the banner that was made for them. Compared to The Prancers, the audience didnt really cheer a lot for Phat Crew. Last year, the hall went off when they were going to announce first place. Well, at least Phat crew came 2nd. That's okay right?
I thought a yr 12 person would've came 1st. Mele or Cyd should've came first. damn it. Stupid judges. But Black Hallow were pretty good. They're an actual band and yeh.. But yr12 should've won. pfft. Congrats to The Sexy Dancers who made it to the finals!! ehehe Well, if only i danced then you guys could've won!! ahaha Just jking. You guys did great!

One last thing, sorry to end this blog on such a low note but I can't help it. You're an idiot. You're such an egotistical fag that walks around with your eyes shut sucking up to your fellow fags. You only care about yourself and yourself only, you have no feelings whatsoever and the only people you worry about are the people that don't really give a shit about you. It makes me so angry to see that you're doing these things, that you're treating people that are close to you like shit, going back on your word and fucking around. Have you ever stopped to think about what you've done? Have you ever cared that the people close to you are hurt and it's because of YOU. Just do us all a favour and go hide in your closet. Because your presence is making me sick and hurting my friends. Fag off you gaykunt.

phew sorry about that heres some more pics on the last day of term 2

me and sexy mai

seeexxyyyy

ooosh *catches kiss*

naaameless!!!

2005-06-29T17:47:00.000+10:00

[edit]
just when i needed you the most... you left me all alone. =(
[/edit]

the last time this happened i was watching "A Walk to Remember" on dvd. it was the moment when jamie told landon that she was sick, that she probably couldn't make it long enough to be with him.

then there was the time when i was on the fone to a friend talking about a certian problem. it was the moment where i just felt helpless.

the time previous to this i was watching hitch. it was the moment when will smith started talking about 'true love' and all that.

and today, for the first time since...for about a month it happened. not once but twice. the first time was because i was nervous abt business and it just happened. there was no one there to make me feel better. no one.
the second time was cos i realised i was actually right. =(

and now sitting here chatting to this person whose asking me all these questions make me think. makes me think about everything. the past, present, future. one name was mentioned (by my friend). and then their opinion given. sure i've heard this opinion before. but now it just hit me - it does make sense. was i part of this person's game? was this person a powerplayer? was i just another...girl? someone you can have fun with? sometimes the feeling i feel inside is depressing. there will always be someone standing by to replace you. someone whose better somehow. it's good if you the one who constantly has someone there.

but it sucks when your theone being replaced.

crying doesn't help nemore. i wish i never had any emotions. cos sometimes, the pain is too much for me to handle. =(

2005-06-28T13:34:00.000+10:00

um so firstly uhm.. we made it into finals? yes quite surprising and shocking seeing as how i didn't really put all my effort into it and kinda just.. danced my way thru everything. haha. but congrats to us! we hafta try harder for the finals though i dont think we even stand a chance (not that i mind) against the wonderful cyd (who came first!) or mele! gotta say phillip was hecticcc! mate, you were hella good (: [edit] i think due to this suden outbreak of annoyance/sadness... it shows that yes, i will be pmsing. hahaha. but all the same, i am quite hurt :( [/edit]
besides that, not much has happened. business exam 2morrow and i soo have no studied and therefore lack the knowledge. there goes my 90% wish =( ahh well, more things on my mind. been thinking again (countless sleepless lonely nites ha ha ha...) and it hit me, what am i looking for?? or should i say, what am i waiting for? (haha, gwen stefani.. god i was addicted 2 that song!) there's nothing to really look forward to, that is, if you don't include finishing sefton high and never seeing anyone ever again, which is what i strive to achieve =P i'm sitting here waiting for certain things, but in the end, is it worth the wait? when i finally grasp what im looking/waiting for, will i feel complete? or would i feel even more empty? sometimes when you finally get what you want - you no longer desire it, and only want to go back to the period of times where u were lusting after the object of you affection. oh god that sounds immensely gay. well you know what i mean. i hear you say "take a risk, if you never wait you'll never know" but damn, i did wait. i got it. and then KABOOOM, taken away from me. why do we wait when all that happens is that we get hurt? we're the ones who crash and burn. we're the ones with broken hearts. why do i believe in anything anymore? so can you answer me this: why are the ones we love always taken away from us?

*chucks rolling pin at door. gggrrr....

2005-06-26T22:14:00.000+10:00

ok so i'm in a bad mood atm, so let's post pictures! i like photos - they should cheer me up.

peanuts =)

snuffles =)

umm elephants?

apple! <3

some sand thingy lol

pancakes after cruise 2004

just for teeenaa!

2005-06-25T16:24:00.000+10:00

[edit 9.21pm] ok let's just say that right now i feel reallly really really strange. =( i can't even explain the feeling but it definately isn't a good feeling. i can't even concentrate on my business work. *sigh* just so damn confusing!

i'm watching The Wedding Singer again atm and gosh, it's so funny but definately not a good movie to watch while feeling emotional. uno love stories. haha ew. neway yea theres a funny line where this old guy is like "i just want somebody to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be okay." hahha..

omg ok ino whats bother me. haha. im editting so much. welll..... are people's opinion of you really important to you? like say ur closer 2 person A than u are to person b (person b just being a normal friend, person a close friend). and all u were concerned with was what person/s B thought of you. and you dont really think of what person A thinks of you - u think he/she will be alrite with everything since there is already a close friendship. so like u concentrate on persons b more and forget abt person a. is that fair? ahahha does this make sense? hahaha. well i am like confused. shutup its 12 at nite ok.

hey you guys! hahah. im not the one concerned with other people's opinions. in that scenario, im person A! hahaha. the one that is assumed 'okay' with everything =x [/edit]

well, last nite was quite interesting? hahaha.
remind me to be a 'good' girl next time (as vincent put it) ok? lols
i quit it! no more drinks =D seriously cbf..
rofls @ the ppl who were a teeeny bit tipsy.. hhaa just a TEENY BIT.. ahhaha.
thx anthony for the party.. of course with my bbq haha.
and hmmm i realised heaps of stuff last nite too. not exactly great things but... yea.
can't say i didn't try right? i mean, something's just happen and yea.. i am simply not good enough. *makes a face
well woke up today at bloody 9.15am to go to jenny's place to practice for tq on monday. and can i officially say that we are screwed hahaha. and my butt hurts from shaking and slapping it too much *slaps Cyd's ass instead*
and now... i must go off and study for business... i could've been out at the banksville festival thing with free food..or out with suely..but no.. i am at HOME..studying -_-"
i am soooo tired. *faints*

Monica - Breaks My Heart

2005-06-23T17:21:00.000+10:00

When i think of what i've done, all the pain that i've brought
baby, you should've walked out on me
And when i turned away from you, whenever there were hard times
How could you still be with me

Wow haven't heard this song in ages. It really brings back some memories and despite the happiness that i feel right now, i can still feel that tiny bit of pain inside. oh well it's ok i guess. Anyway, one more week of school! term 2 is nearly over.. and i can't wait till highschool is finally over. (:
i've got an exam next week, so im trying to limit my internet time (i.e. msn-ing). im not THAT addicted to it =P

hmm well there's something i wanted to blog about. yahh! today in legal we were reading articles about women being raped. a Victorian judge (i think) said something along the lines of... "she didn't suffer any trauma because she continued to reside with the attacker". like wtf? seriously, what the fuckk? so ok she continues to live with the maniac but please, just because she chooses to do that it doesn't mean that she's not suffering. how would YOU like it if YOU were raped asshole? maybe she chooses to remain with the guy cos hes changed; maybe it's for financial stability? maybe she needs support; maybe she has kids with the guy? like theres like a gazillion reasons that might explain her actions, but in my opinion, the judge is seriously screwed in the head if he thinks that after being raped, she's not suffering cos she's still living with the guy. hello, brain check? being raped isn't something that is like, easy to get over. the experience will forever lie inside the poor girl's heart, and quite frankly, i admire her for her strength - she's trying to move on, and maybe she thinks that by accepting what has happened and giving the guy another chance will help her? who really knows what's in her mind. and ok i don't agree with her staying with the guy, but sometimes when it comes to guys...girls do weird...things. sexual power! (haha..english). but yea, as if "when women say no, they really mean yes." yea wata fucker, are you serious? no bro when i say no, i mean no. (well unless im flirrting but thats another story). some judges are sooooo idiotic. and it really pisses me off. i mean, having rapists out there is bad enough, but to have judges (Whom i like to add, are employed to achieve justice, and this also means ensuring the safety of citizens in society by puting baddies into jail) think that being raped isnt 'so bad'. ugh! AND one judge claimed under this sutpid Victims Compensation Act shit that the action of the rape victim prior to the raping (i.e. if she wore slutty clothes, walked ina dark alley, got into a car.. etc) plays an important role in deciding the intention of the rapist. whatever i dont give two shits, just cos girls walk in dark alleys or get into a car, or WHATEVER, it still doesn't give anyone the right to rape her. like omg are u serious, that is like the dumbest thing i've ever heard. being raped means being forced into sexual intercourse. note the word forced. idiots. >=|

p.s nice comments guys! ROFLS @ all the sex comments. man i WISH i knew what sex was like, HAHA jk. and nahh i'm not in love, i just feel butterflies. but yes i love u all (esp loo! *slaps) hehehe.

2005-06-20T18:13:00.000+10:00

the rising emotion inside. the overwhelming sensation. the breathless sighs. the anxiety and the nervousness. but the amazing, wonderful and serene feeling that is received afterwards... makes it all worthwhile.

is it meant to feel like this?

what a long week

2005-06-17T20:37:00.000+10:00

oh my god. it's been such a long and tiring week. and finally it feels like i can sit down and relax. but noooo..that's not true. i have a stupid lecture day 2mr at uni. how..un-fun. ): hopefully i can squeeze in a bit of shopping, though i am surely burning a hole in my wallet already, and my keycard for that matter. =(
anyway, lets talk about today! today was ... a boring day. nothing exciting happened, i had my 2u test which i think i did okay in. i was aiming for 100% but dumb dumb dum mai - i did not read the questions properly (like fag off round up to 3 dec places... or leave in this form blah blah) and surely lost around 4 marks already =( *waves goodbye to 100%*i should have checked too, considering i sat there for about 25 mins daydreaming... 8-) but hey, anything over 90% is good, seeing as i did not study watsoever. *hi5
hmm there's nothing to talk about? I'm glad about the responses i received in the last blog. cmon guys! make a difference! seriously, it makes you feel a whole lot better just knowing that you changed someone's life. =) and yes loo, i'll see you the white bands! just after i order them in, i never knew fundraisiing was so hard. hahaha. lucky its for a good cause but! but don't only buy the makepovertyhistory band, have u guys seen the breast cancer, anti racism, and tsunami relief ones? i think you should all go out n buy them too! *big smile* be generous people!
anyway... ive been feeling strangeish this week. not bad strange! but different strange. its really... strange. lols. a friend msg'd me today and asked me some things, and gave me their opinion. and it just really made me think, if they can believe in it, why can't i? why did i give up? hmm i don't know really. but because they believe in it, it kinda of gave me hope? although sometimes hope isnt sucha good thing... =/ i'm just confused; but i duno, i'm smiling? hahaha. i am so confused. life's wat you make it. i've come to terms with everything. expect nothin = no disappointments. but sometimes, it doesn't hurt to dream =) *crosses fingers* the HSC is in 4 months and i'm not gonna sit around being all sad n watever, im not gonna sit around worrying abt my problems or other people's problems. watever floats their boat. i accept all! hahah i am soo lame o_o neway... loved all those that commented *huggles* much love to you guys, i kno reading my blogs must be excruciatingly painful! hahah. oh yea, here's apick of my blazer. yes i love it! x)

this is your chance to...do somethin' real.

2005-06-15T20:17:00.000+10:00

Today i headed all the way to PENRITH for the WORLD VISION GLOBAL LEADERSHIP CONVENTION. And omg, it was worth it (: 8 students from sefton, 6 of which were year 12s (including andrew, melissa, sarah, grace, alan and myself) were given the opportunity to participate in this event and i can honestly say i came out more informed and motivated to make a difference.
So i guess you're all sitting here waiting for me to recount my day at the Global Leadership Convention, waiting for me to tell you how beneficial it was, how much it touched me and how i realised one small action can make a positive diference to one person's life. Well, i am going to tell you and i hope that by the end of this entry, you guys out there will also become actively involved...and hopefully make a difference.
Did you know that:

1 in 8 babies die at birth (2001)
47.8% of Mozambiqueans are illiterate
23% do not have access to clean water; and
78.4% live on less that $2 a day?

Have you heard of the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs)? The MDGs are a signficiant worldwide statement and agreement bewteen developing and developed nations which act as a blueprint for halving extreme poverty by 2015. Seven of the eight goals are focused on promoting human development within poor countries, the eighth recognising that in order to achieve the 7 goals abve, a significant committment is needed from all 191 nations (that are part of the UN). It seem's all good right, you're sitting there thinking 'oh, atleast we're trying to do something.' well get this; The world Bank estimates that approx US$50-70 billion per year in additional assisytance is needed to achieve these goals...but when compared to the US$900 billion spent on defence, does it seem like a lot? no. Did you know that hunger is actually the worst of all weapons of mass destruction? So stuff Bush and his egotistical and corruptive money and power hungry views, it's poverty that we need to stop dammit. So your thinking, what can i do? "trade justice. drop the debt. more and better aid." the three aims of the Makepovertyhistory campaign. I joined this campaign a while ago and honestly, i was not entirely committed to it, i visited the site and read the newsletters once in a while, but it never really hit me until today. Makepovertyhistory is an international campaign that ugers governments and itnernational decisions makers to rise to the challenge of 2005 - calling for urgent and meaningful policy change on three critical and inextricable linked areas: trade, debt and aid. and you can make a difference.
Gosh there is sooo much to say, i want to sit here and spill out all my emotions; all that i've learnt today..all that i've realised... it just really makes you think. i will never ever again take for granted the food i eat, the clothes i wear, or the house i live in. cause at the end of the day, i am probably 100 times in a better position than someone in Ethiopia. Or Vietnam. You all may be thinking "gosh, how can she be affected so easily? she must be emotional." well maybe you're right, but tell me this. if you sat and listened to the statics, heard how many deaths there were of mothers and children, heard the stories about sanitation, about lack of basic human needs, god if you sat there and heard it all, you would probably have tears in your eyes, cause i sure did. i can't even imagine the life that those children live, it's too hard and wayy too sad. it's now that i realise that yea, life is a bitch, but why am i complaining? i should compare myself to those kids. some dont have parents. some dont have food. shelter. water. clothing. some don't go to school. some can't read. some don't even shower. some don't have friends, let alone a social life - and here we are discussing how hot brad pitt looks in Mr and Mrs Smith. A spokesperson today told me a story, and i'll relay parts of it back to you. she told us whilst on her trip to a third world country, kids would come up to her and beg her for money. they would look at her in the eye and throw themselves on the ground, begging for a few cents. they had no food, they had no shelter, they had no clothes. all they had was their dignity, their pride and they threw it all away for a few cents. but you kno what really made me cry? it wasn't the fact that this spokesperson couldn't give the children money because they would be bashed by older kids, no what made me cry was that this person had to walk away, knowing that she could change a child's life but couldn't because if she gave him money, he would be assualted. She had to walk away from him, away from those fixating eyes. she had to leave him standing there. now i don't know about you guys, but if that was me, i would NOT have the courage to walk away. i would probably cry because i know that i can help them - i just really don't know how.
well this is how you can help. Visit the following sites for more information on how you can make a difference.

www.40hourfamine.com.au
www.stir.org.au
www.makepovertyhistory.com.au ( you can help by buying the white band pictured below)
www.worldvision.com.au

i really suggest you guys all go and visit atleast ONE of those sites. after today im going to volunteer myself to help those in need, i kno i have school and my hsc in a few more months, many of you's out there probably do. but i can't sit back and let this all happen. i wanna live my life knowing that i helped changed somone's life. i helped a child...or, hopefully, i helped children. it doesn't matter what i might lose - time, money, whatever. Because in the end, no matter how hard i try, no matter how much i participate...a child's life will never reach the 'luxury' that i live my life in. I alone can't do it, but i really hope that you guys out there can help me too. maybe then, we can make a difference.

if not us, who?
if not now, when?

we have the ability to change someone's life. why don't we?

sales + mai = broke =(

2005-06-13T17:23:00.000+10:00

firstly, thank you to bao, julie, tina, loo, lucy and cyd for their warm and fuzzy comments - ys they made me warm and fuzzy! *giggles* thanks for giving me the advice loo and cyd, i'm sitll unsure wat i should do =( but i think i'll jst leave it for now. person a is a closer friend to me neway, person b is just..a person haha. but thanks, i'll tink more about wat 2 do..though yes.. it makes my head hurt >_< so today i went shopping! omgosh it was so tiring! and i feel so broke :O purchases of the day are as follows:
- maybelline concealer $15 (10% off haha)
- Forecast Blazer white $60 (30% off)
- Havianas (sp? haha) brown $16.95
- Sunglasses $25
- Grey Supre Jeans $40
- Brown belt $15
- White dress boobtube $15
- YD t-shirt $20 (like omgosh haha.. i just had to buy it! and no it's not for me. haha not that theres nething wrong with wearing guy clothes... =/ )
total: $206.95.
ohhh my. that is quite a bit =S but they were oh so cheap! im annoyed cos i had to withdraw money out of my account and yes, i am shitbroke now. no worries, shoppping this saturday too after my stupid study lecture day for mod. hist. and going with my girls suely n siv... wow that should be fun - we're all shopaholics! i SOO want this:

like dayyymmm! it fully shimmers fo shizzle hhehehe. and it smells really really nice, i already have the original version - someone pleaseee buy me the newer one =) i'll give you my love! hehehe (cmon loo.. ino u want me. or was it julie? hehe) anyways, yes that was my day and i am sooo tired. oh yea i visited siv aftrwards too - that girl man, she's sucha bum. go study u ass! stop thinking of me.... 8-) hehehe oh man i haven't studied as much as i should have but then.. its alrite i spose cos i'm gonna study tonite =) wish me goodluck in my exams! goodluck to all my babes in ancient history, you can all kill the exams! and goodluck to everyone in 2u =) my wish? to beat andrew in 2u. hahaha as if. but hey, it's a good incentive. happy mood again! *big smile.* neways im off! *spanks all* muah muah xox

finally happy (:

2005-06-11T17:33:00.000+10:00

[edit 12/06/05] oh man so much for being happy huhs? well im sitll alrite but ok, i need some advice. well i duno. *thinks*. somethings kinda bothering me and im not so sure as to whether i should bring it up and talk about it or leave it? i mean things are pretty ok atm and i dont wanna make a big deal out of it but it seems to be happening more and more often now? so ok here's the scenario. imagine you're talking to someone (person a) just about anything, casual talk, and this other person (person b) is always listening. well not 'always' but a mjority of the time they are, and i kno that cos person b is continuously butting into my conversations with person a. i mean, i just ignored it first few times but then its become a habit, i dont mind it too much but happening over n over again.. gets...annying. and get this, it becomes even more anonying when person a starts listening to person b. like, im in mid convo (this has happened like 3 times..which isnt that much) with person a, person b butts in and person a totally stops listening to me. goshy...that's really rude. i mean - atleast be polite right? but noooo person b butts in and person a listens. gosh it jst makes me kinda annoyed? so... it's nothing super super big, but should i say something? *rubs forehead* it hurts fromthinking too much =(. and yes, i love you too loO! [/edit]

so ladies (and the few gentlemen out there) enjoy the fotos posted by the sexyyyyy julie? it really was a fun day - the athletics carnival - and it sure brought me a lot closer 2 people that i hardly talk to. so it was beneficial overal! haha. just wanna say much love to the 'nameless' group. you guys make me crack up hard sometimes (: i've enjoyed the times shared...and hopefully more memories will be shared on stage huh loo.. ;) hahaha *winks*

and yes you read correctly - i am finally happy. *winks nudge..umm.kick...bite* i feel... at ease with the world! lols. i quite frankly don't care abt the things that were bothering me before. *shrugs* the bitching..the lies.. watever i'm finee with it. hahaha strange huh? sometimes you just don't care =) or maybe im just purely happy cos of...*silence and raises eyebrows* yes julie, uno what im thinking about ;) for those who don't kno... sorry, it's a secret =D everything just seems to slowly go back 2 normal =) and siv if ur reading this... omg call me woman! hahaha.

so, long weekend huh. plans? well im definately not sleeping in, nor am i bludging. OMGOSH mai has grown up. *not* nah nah i wanna go shopping on monday and that means accomplishing my to do list...well atleast 3/7 or watever of them. and if i do, i will take myself out on a shopping spree - that is if anyone with a car will take me cos fuck i hate trains! wanna see my wishlist? sure you do! (man, i am soo talking to myself arent i?)
Wishlist:
- GRAB JEANS OMG OMG OMG SEXY SHIT!
- ugh boots (omg hot sexy pink!! rite mylinh?)
- concealer.. dammit i lost mine
- sunnies (yes i kno, its winter blahblah)
- the two skirts ive had my eye on
- a blazer pref browny/pinky
- knitwear!
- a brown fat belt
- presents for those i love .. haha no.. not you bao.. i think not.

wow wata short gay wishlist. well watever. i am a girl of simple things! and shutup andrew i dont like $$$ things ok? those roxy pants were soo worth the $80! i also wanna watch lots of movies, but theyre not really part of the 'wishlist'. damn, angeline jolie (sp?) is FOINE! anyway... busy week coming up for me. monday pub hols..tuesday out..wed..glc crap.. man how can u expect me to wake up earlier that 8 on a weekday? you have GOT to be kidding me. and bloody 6am? man its not even light outside. thurs shopping...fri 2u assess...sat...study day/career expo/shopping with my girls..sun..um nothin? man im gonna be shitbroke.

anyway time to go now. but i shall leave you with this foto (jackfruit and mango @ athletics 2005) cos damn.. it cracks me up! *throws love to all *winks*

Athletics Carnival 2005

2005-06-09T00:29:00.000+10:00

[edit 10.06.05]HAPPY BIRTHDAY CYD CYD! we both hope you have a fab, sexy day full of.. umm...bum slapping..hugs..kisses...and anything else you want baybeeeh! *winks* hahaha. we all love you and hope you love your presents! *huggles and bumslap* xD [/edit]

dodgy collage for you people, since theres too many fotos, so i just shoved a few together. fun fun day! *big smile* some weird things happened... but then it's alrite, i think, i hope? heheh. recount later (: *muahs*
ohh and thanks julie, tina, shirley, jenny, bao for your caring and thoughtful comments. *hugs tightly* it made me feel heaps better!

hey its julie here. Well i must say, the Athletics Carnival was fun! I didn't know it could be that fun. Too bad it was the last year. Anyways, we spent the whole day taking photos and trying to participate in some of the events. Well Mai and Truc participated in Javelin, Shotput, umm what else, and Discus. And I must say, Mai is the best athlete I've ever seen. *coughs* ahah Well, if that includes throwing the stuff the shortest range then yeh, Mai succeeded at that. [mai: shutup man! you've never seen an athlete as hectic as me ok?! hahah. i mean i threw it with all my strength! damn i was sacred i'd hurt myself =) ]

The day was a success, we frolicked, we rolled, we ate, we posed. Oh and we checked each other's asses out and SOMEONE kept hitting people's asses and squeezing them. And to those who didn't go, you guys missed out on heaps of fun.

Highlight of the day: We attempted to do a three-legged race by tying our shoe-laces together. Unfortunately I had to pair up with Mai, and to tell you the truth, it was disastrous. She kept falling over, bringgin me down with her. But it was fun to lie on the grass lol. Too bad our we got red stuff all over our clothes. [mai: hehehe. you stacked it first man! we didnt even make it within 1 m! hahahaha]

Downside of the day: The 400m race was cancelled and we wanted to participate in it!! It was so gay because I was looking forward to running it since I've never in my entire school life, participated in the Athletics Carnival. Like come on guys, it's not fair! Oh and other stuff happened too... but yeh, good stuff was better!

Anyways, I got nothing else to say, heres some pics:

it was freezing coooold, you cant really blame us for trying to keep warm

ummm? [is it a bird? is it a plane? no it's just... us?]

note: williams pretending that he's smoking=loser. fobbylicious!!

i love truc's sunnies! they're maaad!

everyone decided to touch william.. and no your not sexy

awwwhhhh how pretty

omg yeeees! look at mai you sexy bitch... if only you were wet!

one big happy family!

how cuuute!

very hot.. why are people so photogenic??

my lovely people

mai looking like a super hero!

ANYWAYS!!! there's heaps more pics, but i guess you guys got to wait for the cd with my photos and trucs photos in it. If you want to perve on the super cool Julie that is. Come on guys.. stop pushing and shoving.. just make a line right here. hehehe okay enough now. Spent forever picking photos and typing this blog up. So tired now.

2005-06-07T21:15:00.000+10:00

why?

Why are relationships so hard? Because it's harder to be alone.

2005-06-03T21:23:00.000+10:00

i was browsing many sites, specifically blogs, and i came across this.

"The same situation with the same starting point and the same sad ending. The fact is, its a bad omen when a relationship stems from secrecy (lets define relationship here as 'more than friends'), because in the end its evitable someone's going to get hurt or else why was there a need to hide it in the first place? Was it shame? Or did the guy know he just didn't like the girl, as much as she liked him? I've also come to realise just because the relationship was never official doesn't mean the pain wasn't felt as strongly nor that the guy didn't 'technically' do anything wrong. " Sush!

i know a lot of girls can relate to that quote, i somewhat can myself. but what sushi! has said is true - what starts bad ends bad. there's no doubt about it. it makes me question a lot. was the girl not worth it? was it embarassing? was the guy scared? did people disagree with the 'relationship' ? was the guy a fag of a bitch? truth is, we'll never know whether the guy really loved the girl or whether he was in it for fun. we'll never know if the girl meant everything to him, or if she meant nothing at all. we'll never know whether he truly loved her, or if he only said it because he felt obliged to. and we'll never know if they were meant to be because...well...they never had a chance. maybe the guy is to blame, maybe the girl is to blame, or maybe both are to blame. so really, what's more sadder? being the guy/girl in the relationship knowing that they had a chance but gave up because it was the 'only' way? Or standing around watching two people try to control and hide what they feel towards each other, hurting so much in the process?

Sometimes, even when the odds are agasint you and it seems to be the end, a little speckle of hope appears, and although this little speckle of hope is tiny, it just might be enough for you to keep holding on.

2005-06-01T19:38:00.000+10:00

today it hit me. next year i will (hopefully) be in university. omygosh. :O who would've guessed. but man there's a slight problem. after sitting down and finally reading all that career shit i've realised - i don't know what i want to do? i mean there's so much i'm interested in but not really anything i have a passion for. i wanna study something that i will be interested in because that'll make me motivated to continue studying. but gosh knowing me, i'd get bored within the first 5 mins. well here's what i kinda wanna do and well, if any one can help me, cos i am so clueless about..well..about it all. =/

i wouldn't mind doing something in business. atm that's what i'm kinda learning towards. Bachelor of Commerce, major in Marketing or.. wait for it.. Accounting (hahaha). Yes i know accounting is like BORING but it's not that bad =D I wanna try and apply for a Co-op but then im not too sure how it works or anything... I am hoping to go to sydney for commerce but then i don't really mind UNSW. those are obviously my only two preferences for a university.
B. Combined Arts and Commerce --> whats the difference if it's combined? haha. say im still doing marketing but since its combined with 'art's wat does that mean? UAI 93.35! ooo!
Combined Law Degree at UNSW --> really reallly doubful. for some reason, despite how much i detest legal studies at school, i feel a passion towards like.. i duno, helping people n stuff like that. i'm not sure why but it always angered me n shit when innocent people went to jail and guilt people were let off. maybe i can somehow change that? well i wanna atleast try.
Events Management. Now uuh.. im not tooo sure about this but it looks kinda interesting? but not something i totally strive for or anything. it's like backup ish?
B. of Arts (Media and Communications) .... IT LOOKS HECTIC! hahaha. seriously, doesn't it sound so fun?? =D
Social work..or teaching. these are really really doubtful careers but man, social work has always been soemthingi wnated to be involved in. it makes me cry everytime i see littlekids without homes, or living with domestic violence..man.. it's just wrong and i don't like it watsoever. i probably won't have a career in it but i wanna dedicate some of my time to somehow help these little kids, foster kids all of them. and as for teaching... im pretty impatient but i got a knack for being articulate in explaining n shit. well not really hahaha but sometimes i am but man as if i'd ever walk back into a school ever again after this year. like wateverrr =P

ahhh neway, well i think i wanna get a co-op at UNSW, pref in Commerce i reckon. If not, i hope i can just get a high enough UAI to enter into it. but hey, Combined Arts and Commerce looks alritee? i mean 93.35 vs 93.2 (for commerce) theyre not that far apart so hopefully...
man all this career talk is making me scared. in the next few weeks ive got like soo much stuff to attend, all these career information days/nights, study days, Global Leadership Conference, man too much shit makes maiii realllyyyy tired. anyway... any feedback pleaseee help me cos damn, i am one confused person.

LOST is cool!

2005-05-31T13:52:00.000+10:00

first and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAMMY! my gorgeous sister aww babe i love u soo much. been friends since yr 5/6 man? ur prolly the only one i keep in touch with and babe, i adore youu! its so fun with us cos no matter how long its been, everytime we see each other (which is rare cos we're both so busy) we have no problem just talking about everythin. =) i hope today u have a fantastic (although not maitastic cos u dun have me!) funfilled day, full of surprises, presents, hugs and kisses (from me if u really want!) hehehe. you're a wonderful, great girl and i wish u the best of luck in everything you do. Till the end sistaaah! hahaha xD

also, happy birthday CHRISTINE! you are like the bubbliest girls (or one of) i know and it's great to see you so grown up and independant ish and so mature, yet immmature at the same time =D ino u'll go far in life, cos babe look at you! heheh. it's funny how ur related to julie..u guys look SOO different.. o_o hahahaha best wishes for the future, and go get ur L's. lets bet that u'll get YOUR P's before i do =P

and right now, my life is soo boring. lol nothin 2 blog again. so ummm uhh... oh yea. SEASON FINALE OF LOST!!!!! *jumps up n down* i'm excited! man that was soo lame. lol. oh yea, thanks martin for photocopying all that shit for me, ur so cool *hi5. ohh yea and ummm i think my net is gettin cut, im not too sure but i was worried so i downaloded so much and now im capped and its soo annoying. i hate waiting.hehehe.
man uno wat i really really really want? A Cinderella Story and Raise Your VOice dvd - the real versions. anyone kno where its cheap? i saw both for $30 but i'm also buying charmed dvd set (haha) so man im pretty broke. =( i guess there's always ebay! xox muahh

what a travesty!

2005-05-28T22:16:00.000+10:00

What a shit of a day. Did Stat today... Far out had to wake up at 6.30 and we left the house at 7.15. It was kind of fun seeing people from schoool and stuff, but once I stepped into the hall, I wanted to run home. The test was hard! I bet you my sis did better than me!! Anyway, I got home at 3.00, had chem tutor at 3.30, finshed at 4.15 had 4u tutor at 4.15 and got home at 6.15. It's a travesty I tell you! Oh, and i forgot to mention, I saw an old Macfields friend today, LIZ! hehe Nice very nice. Yajing and I tried catchin up with her after the exam, but we had to go... But it was nice seeing her again!

So, have you guys missed me? I haven't blogged for a while. It's cause I haven't been on and I didn't have anything to blog about. Reason? pfft

I wonder... how can someone just suddenly end things and carry on like nothing just happened? It's a mystery... WAIT! It's not. Simple answer but I'm not going to say what because it's obvious right?

Right, I need to chillax. Oh yeh Happy bday Walid for yesterday. I don't know you that well... but you're very fun to annoy in class. hehe You're a great woman, hope you had a fun bday!!

Alright, 3u test on Monday... Everyone's studying like mad and I haven't even touched my book!! I don't even know what to study! There's no past papers and grrr! But I hope I do well, maybe this time I could get past the fucking stoopid 90% mark? I'm aiming for that, well I've been aiming for that for a very long time and I always end up gett stoopid 88 or 89. That reminds me.... REPORTS! argh *runs around* nah it was alright, my mum's reaction was better than I expected. She didn't lecture me. All she said was... you're doing okay but you did shit in english and 4u so try harder. WTF! What happened to chemistry and physics?! I did worse in those subjects and she didn't even mention it! So wierd, maybe she was expecting me to get low so she didn't say anything. That's alright.... issert? Well, I think she mainly judged my perfomance at school from the interviews. I don't think she looked at my report. Anyway, where is my report? I think it's buried under all the newspapers and shit on my desk. eww

Argh, I got to catch up on Physics and chem. So much work to do... It's so hard to get into the study mode. Everytime I tried to study, I end up sitting there staring at my computer screen (which is off) or staring into space. I swear my desk is so distracting, so much shit on it. Anyways, I give up on 4u homework. Sleep time now.

confusion confusion =(

2005-05-28T18:28:00.000+10:00

omg mann! all day ive been like wandering around the house, helping out in the shop etc etc. then go upstairs and log online just to relax a bit. and then everything hits me at once. problems problems problems. yes plural. poor mai. and it's not problems that has to do with me, some of the other problems are happening with my friends. ever felt really hopeless and helpless cos u can't help out ur friends? it doesn't help when im not feeling too good myself. year 12 has turned out to be really really complicated and stressful. i seirously hope i make it through this year. =
anyway... sigh. i am so confused. duno what 2 do, duno how 2 act. like im trying but .. then.. it's wrong? god i duno, im just confusing myself even more. i just really hate this feeling. feels craaap. like yea..watever. im confused as hell. just tell me what u want from me. hmmm and my friends..aww man.. sigh. things get better in life, i mean life is like a rollercoster, it always fluctuates and its never constant. thats how the world works bubs. and ino that heaps of things are going on but just sit down and think carefully and maybe things will become clearer for you? and im always here for u to talk to =) not that im much help cos my mind is cluttered, but i'll definately try. i've realised that u just can't give up when life throws problems at u. its inevitable and we just hafta accept it, face it and beat it. thats how we grow stronger. so ino ur gonna be ok. life's only hard if u make it. as for my prob...aww well.. i duno how u feel abt me. soo talk to me if u want. and if u dont then thats ur choice. but i'll still be here.

omg ive downloaded soo many albums this month. hehe songs to download (old and new).
Jesse McCartney - Come To Me
Ashanti - Touch My Body
Frankie J - Please Don't Go Girl
Goo Goo Dolls - Sympathy
Tyler Hilton - Meant to be Something
The Game - Dont Need Your Love feat. Faith Evans
Natalie - Me Faltas Tu (Goin' Crazy in a diff language)
Natalie - Energy feat. Baby Bash
Lifehouse - Sky Is Falling (thx shirley:P)
Faith Evans - Tru Love
Brian McKnight - The Biggest Part Of Me
Backstreet Boys - Love is
Backstreet Boys - Over Her
Backstreet Boys - Never Gone
Amerie - Think Of You
3 Doors Down - The Real Life

oh man..BSB.. haha.. its the 90s again! xoxo oh and also, i'd liekto say. LOST fucking ROCKS! omg im soo addicted to it. faraout up to the season finiale omg i hope my bro downloads it cos i CANT wait!!! and OTH season 2 finale! OMG hecticcc! hahaha. =D i watch too much tv and i have a mths test on monday o_o

Az Yet - Last Night

2005-05-25T23:56:00.000+10:00

in the last few days i have been going thru the memories in the last 17 years of my life. funny enough i couldnt really remember much.. meaning so much has happened =O but nonetheless i do remember some happy times and yea, its time to reflect bitches =) and oh, funny how my memories have JULIE in all of them naerly. damn that woman is bad luck =P

- I remember in yr 9 camp me and julie were sharing a bed cos we both didn't want to sleep on the top bunk (i knew i was going to fall off). anyway in the middle of the night she starts screaming claming she saw someone in a room, she saw jack, and omgosh, she scared the hell out of me and i fell out of bed n hurt myself. hmm. i think i got a bruise from that.
- I remember sneaking over to the guys cabin with julie in the middle of the second night. =D hahaha, rebellious times!
- I remember someone scarying the shit out of me in class and i feel off the chair - and yes that happened a few times =/
- I remem jigging n not gettin busted and julie..gettin busted. hahaha. ino not funny but.. kinda is now? heheh
- The time where my whole modern history class was watching a movie. the movie was said to be in subtitles so i was gettin ready to read n stuff. and then writing comes up and it took me a while to realise "omygosh its not english! its...german?". not that funny but the whole cinema, including classmatees n strangers, heard =/
- i walked into a door. and it hurt.
- in year 9 (i think) sarah, me and the girls (lauren, mele etc) had a massive water fight.and omg eveyrone was fully drenched bad and everyone got detention for it except me! hahahaha funny. poor sarah she hated me so bad for not gettin busted =P
- we have a new building in our school and the doors like stay open..and then automatically closes after a while - it has those spring thigns watever. blah cant explain. anyway i was so excited that it stayed open and i didnt haftya hold it and i was going on about it and WHAM hits me right on my bone. yea bruise for a whole week
- i fell down the maths stairs in yr 8. hahaha omg classic.
- sining the national anthem with siv in assembly (i think..) (Y)
- suely and julie brought nail poilsh to school and starts painting everyones nails in free period. hm..
- andrew: omg i got a new car n it tells the temperature! mai: huh? it has weather forcasting?
- siv falling into the lake at year 9 camp. LOL!
- truc, julie and mai walking down the path in sydney uni. julie sees a dog. has a look of horror on her face, scares mai. mai and julie scream loudly with ppl staring. truc runs off. omg nice!
- year 11 camp. its int he middle of the night and im sleeping on the floor next to tina and julie. julie wakes me up. "i needa piss man!" mai: " bro i dont care. f off." julie: "come with me!!!" and the bloody woman makes me walk out int he middle of the night, its pissing rain and its cold shitless. pfft.!
- year 11 camp essential: bring ur own eating utensils. being asians we dorp off at maccas and take all the free forks, spoons n knives we can find =)
- this is outta nowhere. but i remember last new years i ran into a brazilian woman who was lost. and we tried helping her and i dont think we really did but omgosh it was scary. o_o i was soo scared -_-
- classic moment: kerry humping william... from behind. o_o
- mai and friends sit in assembly outside. mai looks at rocks n chucks em around at people. finds a big rock. "hey loo, i found a rock. im gonna name it... rock." loo laughs. duno why? haha
- suely, william, siv, andrew and me in the car. siv stares out the window, sees an old (ugly) man and tries to seduce him but doing the "titianic hand scene". omg and he stared back. EW!!!
- william acts all cool with sunnies on his head in myer. he goes to the bin - and learns over. his glasses fall into the bin. HAHAHA. poor willy.

oh man im out of memories. i had soo many, funny ones too. but i forget them =(
watever. anyway. haha. i'm in a good mood =D and its time for like... shoutouts. hahaha asian style lol.

- andrew/apple: the bestest best friend ever.
yea there's not much to say cos i cant find the words. you drive me everywhere, take me places, keep me company, put up with my complaining, my pms-ing, my bimboness. bro, u accept it all. =D u love me for me. omg i feel special. hehe. i'd be soo lonely and scared without you applee. best friends till the end man. ur love n care for me touched me right here *points to heart*. i love ya. "we're sexy together, we're cool together, best friends for life!" *hugs&kisses
- julie/jackfruit: the bestest bumchum a girl could want.
we've been thru so much, fought so much, hit each other so much, touch each other ;) but watever, what u go thru i'll go thru with u =D ur like the one who fully understands me and listens to me and backs me up thru everything. u got my back and i'll always have urs cos thats what fruits are for right =D i am soo lucky to have u as my friend babe and i love u heaps. loveee you so much! *hug&touch xoxo
- bao/berry: the bestest bitch ever
hahaha i control u too much but its so fun cos ur too nice x) it's so easy to manipulate u! hhehe omgosh! but besides ur gayness and stupidity and lameness and omg boringness, deep deep DOWN ur one of the nicest guys i've ever met. thanks for all ur support thru everything, i'd be so lonely on the net if it werent for you. i'm alway s here for u to bother and annoy except somehow i think its me that does that to you. hahaha x) love u man!
- anita, annette, suely, tammy, teena
aww my baby girls. you guys man...stuck with me and believed me and yea. can't thank you guys enough for it. i kno i can count on all you guys to be there for me when i need it the most and i hope u guys know i'l ldot he same. we might not hang out too much but it doesnt mean i dont care cos i do. i love u guys more than anything *hugs&kisses
- vincent, khai, duy
hahaha my baby boys ;) well not duy cos ur old and not khai cos ur gay but vincent is! hehe. thanks for all the times you guys have been there for me to lean on, we're not super close or anything but u guys are friends i can trust and its hard to find those these days. i appreciate all the time you've spent listening to me cry n complain n bitch - thank you for showing me that u care. much love to vincent who was there for me thru one of the toughest times, i love ya soo much bro and i hope u kno if u ever need nething, i'll be here. *huggles
- cyd, loo, melissa, shirley, sarah, sarah, martin, aina, gueck, mylinh, siv, william, lauren, phillip, kerry, john: thanks guys for just being there for me to talk to. i don't really socialise with all of yous a lot of the time but when i get the chance you always make me feel like u care and that i can count on u guys if i ever need anything. so thanks so much for making me feel that way. <3>

blah. wow. that took a while. hmm its late so if i missed anyone, i am soo sorry =/
p.s opened comment just for bao. happy now =P

[edit] also julie, i would like to add, you're the coolest sexiest girl alive.. and i must say, i shall shower you with kisses and hugs not just a 'touch' because i can't seem to keep my hands off you!! oooo that tickles *giggles* [/edit]

the daily convos of jackfruit and mango

2005-05-24T22:33:00.000+10:00

droolieee. says:
hey
droolieee. jackfruit tree says:
uno jackfruit
droolieee. jackfruit tree says:
is the biggest fruit grown on trees
droolieee. jackfruit tree says:
which reinforces that im tall
bäybeh maì - mango tree. says:
which establishes the notion of ur incredible gayness and extreme lack of excitement where u must result to looking up the largest fruit grown on trees for little entertainment
bäybeh maì - mango tree. says:
hahaha
droolieee. jackfruit tree says:
o_o
droolieee. jackfruit tree says:
please stop with your english jargon as it is giving me a migraine
bäybeh maì - mango tree. says:
but i want to express my thoughts articulately so you can bask in the atmosphere of my supreme superiority and intellectual self
bäybeh maì - mango tree. says:
ahahahahhaa
droolieee. jackfruit tree says:
i reckon ahahah

and then there's bao..
Dr. ¤hêrØ¡¢^ßåØ! says:
i see the contrasting intellectual levels between the conversations
Dr. ¤hêrØ¡¢^ßåØ! says:
one is extreme idiocy
Dr. ¤hêrØ¡¢^ßåØ! says:
and the other is extreme stupidity

please note that i do not talk like that. hahaa. oh gosh who cares, i love english <3.>
julie's a bitch. hahaha

ps. im sorry. please - lets not fight. =(

[edit] julie: im a jackfruit tree!!! [/edit]

2005-05-22T19:22:00.000+10:00

well what a fantastic fun filled week it's been! like omg i've been having the time of my life. let's see... i'm no longer sick for one and my blood test results tell me i am absolutely fine so no worries there. i've aso averaged out my weight so im not like 'sick-ish' in that area either. i got my class test back for maths which i did fantastically in and i have also finished studying for my 3u assessment coming up next week *go mai* i've sorted out all my problems with my friends and i no longer feel scared or confined to myself nemore. even better! what else. oh yea, i no longer freeze to death in my room cos i got a heater (finallyyyy!) and warmness for me! mangotastic!

ha..ha..ha. you note the fucking sarcasm? i'm still sick, i haven't gotten my blood test results back, im underweight AGAIN, i didn't go as well as planned in my class test, i have not finished studying for 3u, i have not sorted out my problems and instead have avoided them - and in effect made it a lot worse and blew it out of proportion, i am even more scared and confined to myself and omg the only thing true in that paragraph above is that i have a heater in my room. but NO it's not those aircon/heater/fan kinda shit u have on ur walls, its a portable one. goddamit i want my wall aircon/heater NOW!!! fcuk give me a break will you?

at the end of the day, it's me myself and i against the world. there's no one left that's real.
[ oh and note thisfugly piece of shit colour. yea it reflects my mood. im so fucking happy. joyness ]

destinys child - emotions

2005-05-21T22:56:00.000+10:00

And where are you now,
now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

I need a diary. I want to be able to reflect on my emotions and stuff. But I can't have a diary cause my bloody mum would bloody read it. I swear, I don't have any privacy.

I just need a diary.

[edit] mai: i need a diary too! sigh. funny when u try n explain what ur feeling u end up arguing and circumulation occurs. a diary never argues back and understands you. sigh. [/edit]

music expresses what the heart feels...

2005-05-20T16:11:00.000+10:00

And I'm truly inspired
Finding my soul
There in your eyes
And you
Have opened my heart
And lifted me inside
By showing me yourself
Undisguised

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

And I will breathe for you each day
Comfort you through all the pain
Gently kiss your fears away
You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that I
Give you all I am inside
Mariah Carey - Whenever You Call

---------------------------------------

Time, is taking a toll on my life
These days keep on passing me by
I want to see you but there's no time
So i sit here and stare at the sky
And i'm hopin that you realize i Want to feel you
But theres no time.

Yesterday you said that we could get away
The day before i was alone like any other day
3 days ago i wrote this song just for you
Will i ever get through to you

I just cant waste any more time
So tell me whats with you and i
I waited for you so give me time
Mario Winans - 3 Days Ago

---------------------------------------

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end
Rob Thomas - Ever The Same

---------------------------------------

Take a look at me, I let you have my heart.
I swore I'd never let it happen again.
I'm not mad about it, I'm kinda glad about it,
Cause I know that with you girl, I can depend.
I love you, I need you,
Are only words that people say.

They're just words, when they're hand in hand,
With the games that people play, but,

If I ever see the top of the mountain,
If never step my foot in the sea.
I promise you I love you forever,
You'll always be the biggest part of me.
Where ever you are, whatever you do I will follow,
You've changed the way that I used to think.
I promise you I'll love you forever,
You'll always be the biggest part of me.
Brian McKnight - The Biggest Part Of Me

---------------------------------------

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
Backstreet Boys - Incomplete

---------------------------------------

Letoya- What love can do

2005-05-19T21:53:00.000+10:00

I'm losing sleep over you
Look what you've done to me
Not saying you ain't the truth
This love's no fantasy
Sometimes I'm so sick of you
I need some thrapy
Just like an addict on you
Make no recovery

So should I stay,should I go
Do I do,do I don't
Will I , Will i won't
Do like my my mama told me?

That's what love can do
Everythang just ain't good for you
It's got me so confused
Maybe that's just what love can do

See, you sweep me off of my feet
Then bring me down my knees
And then occasionally
I'm like somewhere in between
Everytime we get it right,we go wrong
And tell me why does every fight turn...

Don't worry people, I'm not in love. I've never actually been in love. There was a time when I thought I was and that was the only time I've ever thought I was. Now i think of it, I don't think I was.

What is love anyway?

2005-05-16T21:02:00.000+10:00

My legs are about to drop off any minute. We did so much walking today. I never knew Sydney Uni had so many steps. All we did was walk up and down bloody stairs and it killed my feet! It started to rain during our break and we kind of got caught in the rain. I wasn't drenched, I was damp. lol. Anyway, the excursion wasn't that fun. I nearly dozed off in the lecture. My eyes kept closing. I couldn't help it! I had to wake up early and I couldn't sleep last night, so its not my fault! I saw Vincent trying to stay awake, and it fully cracked me up because he was sitting at the front.

Anyway, the day ended wierd. We got to Redfern station, and it was around 3.30. It was lame cause it seemed like we were having an after school excursion! Well, the train we got on went straight to Fairfield, and I didn't know so I got off at Lidcombe with everyone else and realised that the train I just got off was going to Fairfield. But it was too late lol. Well, for the first time ever, I took the train to Fairfield by myself and took the bus home. How exciting is that! It was kind of scary.

Overall, the day was ok. The weather at the moment is mad. I love rain.

2005-05-15T20:14:00.000+10:00

wow i just typed up a super emotional heart-felt kidna blog but decided to not post it. why? cos i realised no matter how much i type about it the feelings won't go away - like no matter how much i express msyelf deep down it's still gonna hurt. a lot.
alll i can say is i guess... when things don't work out... don't blame urself for anything. what's meant to be will happen and if it wasn't meant to happen then you've gained from the experience. i kno that it's not fair how you sometimes have to hurt - a lot - to realise that things weren't meant to happen but atleast it was worth a shot. there's nothing worse then realising that it could have been if you tried and then you'll just be living ur life in regret. and thats not a life you want. sometimes we hurt from our experiences and sometimes we'll never get over it..but we have to try.
there are so many things that i wanna do.. that i wanna say if i had a choice. but i dont. i dont have that chance nemore to express my feelings and stuff. i hafta hide what i really feel cos its what's right. but i've realised as much as i try it's still really really hard and i've come to terms with it. what i feel will always be there but its up to me whether i wanna act upon it or not. most likely i would not act upon it cos i already took the chance once before and this person hurt me a lot, more then anyone has ever before. sometimes i really wished i had another chance, and i always say t hat if i was faced with the opportunity i would walk away cos i dont wanna feel that pain nemore but this goes back to what i said previously, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it breaks me, i will step thru that opened door cos i don't want a life full of regret. we all take chanes in life and we all have to face the consequences of it. but we cannot blame neone for what's happened, especially not ourselves because it's not our fault it didnt work out. it's not out fault people have their own opinions. it's inevitable. love is, inevitable. just like pain.
ive only ever been in love twice. the first time it grew, the 2nd time it came unexpectedly. i do not regret what i've felt those two times because truth is, they were the best moments of my life. and no matter how much it hurts me right now to "like" someone but not be with them; i've realised that the pain was worth it all in the end. atleast i shared a part of them that no one else has; and atleast i was happy - for those moments. memories can go either way, they can make u happy or they can make u sad. make your memories happy ones... cause there's no point holding onto sad ones.
takes chances in life - in love. who cares what's happening around you, who cares what people say, who cares if you're only 5% sure of it working out. in the end what surrounds u no longer matters; its being with the one u love that matters the most. don't forget those moments when you were the happiest and don't forget who made you happy. It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

to all my girls out there... you'll find your prince charming one day. we're all still young and yes we've been thru heaps but hey, things will get better cos when we find that one guy who sweeps us off our feet we'll relaise all this pain that we went thru was worth it..why? cos it took us to the one we're meant to be with. have faith and have hope.
xox

Gone!

2005-05-14T22:17:00.000+10:00

A piece of me went away today. Forever.

WE SOLD OUR CAR!!! omg! haha. Don't worry, I was referring to my car. lol. Well, the car I've been going to tutor and school with for nearly umm 8 years was taken away from me today. I had special moments with that car. There were times when I hated it, and there were times I loved it. Wait, my love for the car faded away when I reached highschool. lol. Well, I nearly left my keys in there too. I swear I'm such an idiot. I left my keys in one of the pockets, and the car was sold already. But luckily I ran outside the house and jumped in the car and got my keys out. *phew* My dad thought I was running out to say bye to it or something. Like no way. haha

Right now, I'm freezing my ass off. I wasn't going to go online, but I got stuck on some 4unit question, so might as well. My tutor is going to kick my ass to China when he sees my 4unit paper. lol.

Alright, enough of that. My fingers are frozen at the moment and my knees are shaking.

[edit] Why do we have to be so naive sometimes. Why do we believe what we see, what we hear, what we feel. Because in the end, its all crap. [/edit]

2005-05-13T22:23:00.000+10:00

its when you sit among all your friends in a room watching everyone socialise and communicate that you start to realise what you are truely missing out on. and that pain inside, that feeling side, it starts to grow cos you realise that you would never be in that position - you may once before but now... there's just no chance. and thats when it hurts even more. when you realise that all that you've been living for has been lost along the way to getting something you wanted to much.
what can we do? nothin except accept it and move on.
god i feel helpless. =( but kno that i care for you and always will.

2005-05-12T23:19:00.000+10:00

Forget about my last post. It was wierd.

Anyway, had a free in the morning. I came to school with my sis, so I was pretty bored for like 15minutes. Attempted to read Hating Alison Ashley.. but wasnt successful. Nearly feel asleep too. So when Suely came, I tried to sabotage her D&T work thing and only managed to pull the string out of the needle. jks jks. I'm a nice person. I helped her do it! Wasn't I good Suely??? yes i know! Well, Suely didn't want me to turn her nice masterpiece into an excellent masterpiece so i decided to muck around with her nail polish (which was bright pink). I painted Aina's nails. And tried to paint Suely's hands. I mean hands not nails. So yeh, got my mind off things. Thanks Suely's nail polish. Oh mai, I painted your nails too. looks sexy.

Had assembly. Boring shit... Ellis is a wierdo. It's almost predictable that she'll tell us off at the end of each assembly after the 'official party' leaves. And I enjoy listening to her tell us off. wierd stuff

Mariah Carey - We Belong Together

2005-05-12T17:40:00.000+10:00

hehe wow this song's been on repeat. hehee. it doesnt sound that good - kinda shit actually but hell yea the lyrics are nice. so is babyface - simple days. thanks william for letting me borrow the album! carefactor = 4. hehehe.
well short blog. we got our school fotos the other day. the muckup foto was a complete waste of 14 bucks where all i did was sit on williams lap with siv and squash him to make him appear like he was drowning. yay fun. =D the group foto was pretty nice compared to other years! i swear this year i actually smiled except for one cos i was like tired sitting there in the sun so i didnt smile and guess what! they took the one where im not smiling. i look soo bitchy n evil. hhehe annette loves the pic? hehehe. portrait turned out... better then last year but notexcellent or nething. everyoen goes its super nice but heck i've looked better. hahaha. can't wait to see vincent's one. oosh sexy smile! heheh. and omg julie u look sooo pretty in ur portrait stop lying! everyone looks so old n stuff... it's finally hitting me. we are old. or atleast i am. 18 this year liek what the fcuk? hehe. still can't drive, still havent gotten fully drunk and still haven't had sex. omg wow! hahah. i'm on a role. i'm also not gonan get into any relationships until the end of the hsc. i can sooo keep that promise! being signle is fun...dont stress from boys. boys suck =P (hahaha i just remembered a story abt guys balls being twisted.. hahaha martin told me ... haha funny shit!)
anyway oh yea the point of this blog. ok i can understand people being hypocritical n all but there's kinda a limit. no? well i think there's a limit. u see in my pov i reckon if u dont like someone but ur nice to them because ur trying to be civilised it's arite but if you go out of your way to impress them - whao thats wrong. don't say something and then not act it out or watver uno what im saying. ino im pretty hypocritical too but idont overdo it by going out with the person or sucking up or nething. theres people that annoy me but i sitll treat them with the same respect. there's no one i hate but act nice to cos omg - there's no point. so stop being hypocritical ok. it's really slack man. and yea also... don't flower someone with heaps of attention or nething and expect them to dot he same back cos in reality they most likely wont return that treatment. there's nothing wrong with u just accept that this is the person that they are. be happy. =) u cant have everything in life. *throws love* xoxox muaah

frustrated

2005-05-11T21:44:00.000+10:00

I did so bad in my half yearlies. Might as well drop out now cause there's no point continuing year 12. I'll just embarass myself.

I need to express my feelings at the moment. But I dont know how. It's building up inside of me, and I dont know if I can take it anymore........

- Mariah Carey - We Belong Together -

2005-05-10T23:17:00.000+10:00

(extracts)

The feeling that I'm feeling now
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or even touch or even kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
What I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side

We belong together
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please come back
We belong together

Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
Baby nobody better
We belong together

I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby..

2005-05-08T22:19:00.000+10:00

Happy mothers Day! I must say, I made the best card for my mum this year. It's so pretty. Simple, but still pretty. My mum said it looked like a wedding invitation. hehe Yeh, it was a fluke. I'm not artistic and creative. ahhaa I didn't get anything for my mum since I can't go out and buy it. So my sis and I are paying to get her hair cut and dyed and shit. She wants to perm it or something. Make it wavy or something. Have no idea. But my sis and I are paying. My mum wanted to get her hair done ages ago, like get it dyed and all, but it was too expensive. hahaha So now we're paying. damn. But still good!

Bloody spent and hour making my mum's card and watching tv. I gotta start doing my homework.... BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY 4U HW IS!!! Far out. I should write it clearer in my diary next time. I'm so dead

BTW my eyelashes are better now. I mean my eyes. I plucked all my eyelashes. PROBLEM SOLVED! ahhahah yeh, feels much better.

A Walk to Remember...

2005-05-08T14:19:00.000+10:00

this is one of my all time faves and i just finished watching it and im still crying my eyes out. this movie is so heart rending and emotional... it really makes you think about the life you're living. there's soo much to learn and gain from it and after everytime i watch it it really makes me think. there's so much in life we take for granted and sometimes when we are finally happy someone's taken from our grasp. no one can be blamed for it - its just the way life is and we have to accept it. but when someone you really love or care about is taken from you, you kinda lose all hope and faith. the pain of losing someone never really disappears and although u might recover down the track there will always be a part of you that is hurting because someone significant left you. they may always be apart of you but there's apart of them that you can no longer share. and that's.. yea.. it's really sad. =(
Landon was a popular kinda guy - had everything he wanted and was happy. But the more time he spent with Jamie the more he saw something in her and before he knew it, he had fallen in love with her. now she wasn't your typical girl - she was different from Landon's crowd. i guess in a way she was an outcast. obviously landon's crown didnt agree with him liking jamie and were totally against it. landon lost is friends but it didnt really matter to him cos he loved jamie and she made him happy. he risked everything and gave everything up for him. it didn't matter whether people understood him or not, all that mattered was that he loved jamie and wanted to be with her. i guess the lesson here is that sometimes its the one that we least expect that catches our attention. the more time we spend with someone the more bonding occurs and the more likely something may develop. landon never gave up on jamie, not when his friends were against him, not when he found out she was sick, not when she died did he ever give up. he never let go of her or threw anything away. when things were the hardest for him he looked towards one thing - his love for jamie. and whats more is that she loved him too. and in the end he became a better person. who cares what people thought, he was happy and that's all that mattered - not other ppl's opinions.
we shouldn't judge people on the way they look, the way they act or anyhing like that. everyone's different and unique in their own way and we all have to learn to accept that. if we ignore all those we dont exactly bond with then we are only hurting ourselves. we are blocking ourselves from the ones we see as different but what if they aren't so different from us afterall? we can't go through life puttin people into categories based on who they are, what they do, their likes/dislikes, past/present or watever. we get angry when we hear of others doing 'horrible' things - we're shocked and really amazed at their actions but do we really tink about what we would do if we were in their position? people react to things differently in life, you can't judge them on how they approach life. i guess what im saying is just don't judge people. if you dont judge people. because sometimes when you judge people it puts pressues on them and they in turn may do something that they may regret forever and mayend up hurting those they love the most. and like i said above with AWTR - the pain never leaves you even if you move on or not. memories are afterall, forever.
while on the topic of AWTR - damn i want a guy like that. one who would risk things for me just like landon did. i mean he fell in love with jamie and when he found out she was sick - he never gave up and he never threw it away. despite wat he was going through he still tried. he never knew if people would accept him and jamie or not, but he didn't care - he was happy because she made him happy. she loved him and she treated him well. who knows if you'd ever feel that ever again. he was with her till the end, just like he promised. i guess i want a guy who keeps their promises and doesn't give up with things get tough. a guy whose knows me well and looks after me.. one that keeps me company when im down but goes out n has fun with me too. one whose not embarassed of me or ashamed of anything - just like landon wasnt of jamie. i want a guy who loves me for me and would choose me over everyone else. but yea it's soo hard to find guys like that these days. i should just wish for a guy like shane west huh? well his personality in AWTR that is.

itchy eye

2005-05-07T22:34:00.000+10:00

I swear my stupid eye kills soo bad! grrr... I hate my stupid eyelashes, they're friggin poking into my eye balls and its killing my eye! Far out, my right eye looks all red and swollen now. I can feel the eyelashes swiping my eye balls. Is swiping a word? haha yes, i can feel them scracthing my eye balls. omg gay.

Why am I bloggin about my eye balls. lol. I have nothing else to say. Just bored at the moment. oh damn.. I should go off now, my right eye is leaking. Why the fuck is it leaking. *scratches eye balls*

[edit] mai's lil blog deleted :] hehehe. uuhh.. i blogged myself. rofls [/edit]

some couples were just meant to be..

2005-05-06T00:04:00.000+10:00

You can't fight fate...
i have hope somewhere deep down. =/
anyway.. hello my friends. oosh julie just blogged and i didn't realise. anyway. i'm feeling alrite tonite ... the last few days have been really hard. Memories just keep coming back into my minds and i'm not sure if i've been acting normal or not but im pretty sure i haven't. I've probably cried a good deal in the last few days - haha - i am so emoitonal it's not funny. And what spending a whole nite tlaking to a friend about things.. man it felt nice just to kno that someone cares... he listened to me and what's more he tried to help me and even though his words didn't really sink in and make me feel better, i appreciate his effort all the same. I love ya vincent. thanks for everything bubs *throws love to vincent* It's been a long long long time since i've talked to anyone - about anything - and yea... i guess i do feel lonely. Really lonely infact =( i sometimes wished i could just open up but its soo hard these days - not because i dont trust anyone - but because i just don't really wanna talk .. if you kno what i mean. i kinda just wanna sit there in the comfort of another knowing that i dont really have to make converstion or anything and they'd kno exactly how im feeling and won't make me talk or express myself. but the only person im fully comfortable in doing that with is probably busy.. or he doens't have time for me or anything so yea that's a bit depressing... kinda lost my security in a way and now i feel soooo lost. i mean the only way i can even express msyelf these days is by crying.. gosh thats so sad and gay.
anyway... i duno how this came up into convo but why are guys so pussywhipped for some girls? omgosh faraout. you guys don't see shit sometimes. but hey that's all im saying. They'll realise in the end and omg when they do.. mai is sooooo not forgiving you. dumbasses.
and uh.. i have an excrusion 2mr *claps* and theres eng hw due for 2mr, which i dont have to do, but being the wonderful dedicated english student that i am, i am doing it. nah im not sad, i just had a nap and im like wide awake. no one's online at this time. poor lonely mai huh.
and yea ummm i'm going shopping 2mr. i see sexy suely. and then there's siv... hehe jk jk. man suely is sucha user - she's making me buy her maccas breakfast. like OMG user. hehehehe just joking - i love ya babe! hehe uhh
and yea
lonely. hahah -_-"

we were once so happy...

fate

2005-05-05T23:10:00.000+10:00

Well, as you all know, well not many but I'm in love with the movie/book, The Notebook!! It's the maddest love story ever. I love it! I read the whole book yesterday and I've never read a novel in one day before hehe.

ooosh I just wrote a paragraph about the book and fate and stuff and decided to delete it. lol. It's the stuff I think about and I don't feel I should post it, since I don't know who reads this blog and I rather keep it to myself and maybe share it with those who I'm comfortable with. haha

OKAY! omg William you dumbo. You spent two days, reciting and renacting Russel Peteers comdey show and I think that "chop some bong" is like engraved in my head now, cause I keep thinking about the asian accent and omg. haha *anthony by day and chop some bong by night* lol. oh baby oh baby say my name.... hahaha

damn I wish I was going on an excursion tomorrow. damn hahah. oh wells I have a phys excursion in two weeks. No bloody point... Far out i only have like two periods in that day. pfft

!XOBILE

completely focused.

2005-05-03T22:29:00.000+10:00

I am utterly, 100% and completely focused on HSC now. err.... YEH RIGHT! Well, I'm planning to be focused on HSC. My half yearlies have been totally horrible. It's like, the more exams i get back, the worse I do. Damn, 4unit. What a piece of crap. pfft.

Anyways, I've decided to focus on school and stuff for the next 6months. It's going to be hard, and I doubt I'll even succeed. But it's worth trying. But it's still good to have fun in a while *winks* hehe. yeh true, but might as well sacrifice it since 6months isn't that long and after that I can paaarrrty!! yay. I'm planning to get my P's and err drive. lol. I'm determined to get my P's now.

okay, time to go and finish off some hw. lol. I shouldn't even be on.

*tear

2005-05-03T21:00:00.000+10:00

ohh man im watching the OC at the moment and it's just so sad. i'm close to tears! stupid Seth and Summer - reveal your unrequited love already and stop me from crying! Just seeing two people like break up and then kinda move on but then realise that maybe they're meant to be together... and then they get back together - oh gosh, it's so sweet. If only that happened in real life huhs?
Seth: "when you're with him...is it like what we had?"
Summer: "I can't remember that far back and uno what..what we had was clearly not as good as what you had with Ryan or you wouldn't have left."
*cries* i guess they atleast had a chance to be together and Seth kinda threw that away. I get that he kinda made a mistake but then if they were really meant to be together it'll somehow happen right? like fate and all that crap? i mean people make mistakes and life's really hard sometimes and ino why Seth just had to leave Orange County - it was really hurting him that the one real friend he had was kinda leaving. I guess when people are hurting they do stupid things... like sail away for 3 months on a boat... or throws a friendship away. hmm yea. understandable. But then i can also say i kno how Summer feels. To just be left like that man, it'll hurt heaps. I definately know what it feels like when you love someone but they just leave you cos of what they're going through. I understand it all but it doesnt really take away the pain and yea i guess that's what Summer feels. she's still hurting from it still. and yea. but hey if summer and seth get back together it kinda shows that what's meant to be will like...happen? i guess just wait? *thinks* yea..

Boys II Men - End of the Road (extracts)

We belong together
And you that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart,
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me and never say good-bye?

Although we've come to the End Of The Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the End of the Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time
Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together forever, you and I

Can you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me, don't let me down

Hey, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby
Coz you just won't come back to me
Will you? Just come back to me
(Lonely)
Yes baby my heart is lonely
(Lonely)
My heart hurts baby
(Lonely)
I feel pain too
Baby please

And baby just don't let me down ...

omg!

2005-05-01T20:44:00.000+10:00

[edit 02.05.05] omg as if be kinda happy...and then suddenly you become this bitch. pfft. i swear i should never allow myself to actually be 'ok' cos then i just always get dragged down by people like you. geez. thanks for being a friend man. u made me feel heaps better. like totally. i should have known better. [/edit]

omg ok if anyone read last nite's blog..let's umm forget it for now. likee.. hmm.. yea. lets forget it ok. *wipes from memory*
anyway shopping today. yay i brought a bag. yay *claps* didn't buy my lip balm though =( and didn't buy anything else. i was in sucha bad mood i just wanted to buy like anything. i even offered to buy andrew something - thats how much i wanted to spend money. heheh. and yea i guess in the end retail therapy didn't help at all. mai is still sad =( but the company helped heaps. throws hugs and love to andrew. thx apple! oh yea thx for the trnasport today too! and yea my feet hurt. i had to walk to the station today and omg it killed. if you kno me you'd know i hardly ever walk more than 5 mins this time i walked 1/2 hr. like omg. hehehe. it usually only takes 15-20mins walk but i was dwaddling and yep... thinking. good day for a walk kinda =)
neway after burwood was tutor. yea that was soo boring but hey im learning! i'm really proud of myself cos i actually studied properly for the first time ever (yesterday) and i got heaps done and i felt like i knew what i was doing in class too. whose proud of me? *big smile* but then i got the tipps test back *laughs* mate i guess for non studying i should be happy i passed - yea i passed. so im alrite i just hope they don't push me down. i was sick when i did the test neway =P and omggg i soo hafta say this but i am soooo proud of androo. omg why? cos he topped level 1 & 2! like man ur killin it! even at school you topped nearly everything too! i'm soo proud of you apple! *hugs* like omg. hehehe. keep it up ok ass cos atleast one best friend is doing well =) and yea yea i'll study shutup i will ok. hehehe.
ok that's it for now. i'm like in a good mood ... kinda and i really hope it lasts. but then school's 2mr so expect mai being super grumpy. *makes a face

wierd dreams

2005-04-30T22:52:00.000+10:00

I felt so damn wierd today. I think it's cause i had this really really wierd ugly dream. Not going to say. But it wasn't nice at all. It wasn't scary, it was umm hurtful. lol. Far out. Felt like crap in the morning cause I had a shit night. Two ugly dreams in one night and the same ones too. Well similar. The second one was in the morning and it was worse.

Anyways, I'm starting to drive now. Finally. Like I got my Ls in yr 11? Well, somewhere at the beginning and I still can't drive. It's horrible. I think i kind of freaked my mum out. haha. yeh. I can't really turn properly and omg my mum made me go on the big roundabout at polding street. far out... I was scared shitless. I reckon driving home from Kogarah is easier than driving home from yagoona. Far out. haha okay no more driving whateva talk. oh yeh i think i gave my friend a headache cause i kept doing sharp turns. lol. horrible i tell you!

Well, school sucks. Shit exam marks. I'm on the road to failing my HSC. argh!!! And there's like more to come!!! I'm not expecting anything great from english and 4unit. i stuffed both of them up. like far out

okays heres some photos from cross country day

checking out yr9 camp photos. omg vincent and andrew you guys are gay. pointing out wierd photos of people and asking stoopid questions like "why are you in that photo with him?" like hello lol.pft

nice and gay

omg i like taking photos of vincent! he's always ready to pose.. mad guy!

but umm what?

oh btw mai, thanx for buying the yummy lollies! we owe you big time! hehe

eww .. schoool

2005-04-30T12:27:00.000+10:00

ewww. did i tell you guys how much school sucks? heheh. yea well it does. likeee heaps. like omgosh i got like my results back and they are shocking! *faints* like all band 4/5s like omg..wheres my bloody band 6s? grrr then again i did not study watsoever so i guess i deserved the low marks yea? *makes a face* congrats to ppl who topped everything or did extremely well in my eyes and so far i can only think of andrew (maths and chem..ok u did well in everything) bao (uhh chem too? nfi but ino u did well! or was it bio? dusn matter im happy for u bubs) and tarek (who liek killed me in mod.hist damn you!) and yea everyone else yea i have no idea. hehehe. but yea my best friend is like so smart (androoo) i think you get it from me. :) jk jk i'm proud of you! i just want my english back now. i really doubt i did as well as i did last time but hey might as well throw all the bad marks at me at once huh :)
look its a saturday and im sitting here complaining about school. man that is sooo sad. but ima cold fishie so yea no more shit abt my personal life. but umm im going shopping 2mr i think? not too sure. for some reason i wanna go out tonite but i kno i shouldn't. gayy! anyway i wanna buy a bag and a few tops (doubt i'd find anything cos im soo bloody picky) and maybe some jeans since it's winter now and i cant wear skirts forever can i? this blog is even more depressing then my life. ha..ha..ha.
omg who is the summer bay stalker!?!?!?!?!

ok i just realised that was even more sad.

mad day

2005-04-28T22:46:00.000+10:00

i must say, today was a pretty fun day, even though it was friggin hot!! yes. well i only had two periods today which was mad! yeh, didn't do much work. Anyways, the cross country was fun. i never knew it would be fun. like, never, in my entire school life, had i attempted to run. but somehow, this year, i ran?

well, we had to wait for the other years to run first. yeh, it was so hot! i couldnt even sit cause it was sooo hot! the grass smelt funky too! it was yuck, and stoopid truc decided to fix the problem by spraying deodorant on the grass? wierdo. yeh, the girls played mafia. and apparently its a funny game?!? hehe well, i didnt play, just sat there reading mags and looking for articles that relate to image. no success there. but i must say, there was this really disturbing article in one of the mags, which had pics of old naked ladies??? DISTURBING!

anyways, i'd thought about running the cross country when it was the 16s turn to run. yeh, i half wanted to run with vincent, since he was running. but then again, i was kind of lazy. as soon as the gun thingy went off, i regretted not running. but yeh, thankfully, truc decided to run and so, i was up for it. so we left mai with the guys and we ran. lol. we had to dodge a few ppl first and started sprinting? hehe yeh, truc the lazy bum wanted to stop but i made her run. it was cool for a while, but truc died and i decided to run some more. yeh, luckily i caught up to scott. lol. mad. i thought that guy was doing it seriously. well i ran with him but i couldn't really catch up since he has long legs and my legs are like short. lol. yeh and so i died for a while. anyways, i saw scott again, and decided to run up to him and then we walked to the entrance of the school. well not to the entrance, to where cree was standing. and i decided to wait for truc. waited for like 5mins? and we decided to wait for mai. anyways, someone said she broke her leg? lol. yeh, bs. well, we knew she was probably at the end and so we just finished it off. yeh, and it was funny cause truc came 12ths and i came 13th. ahha. like wtf. didnt expect antyhing. omg. agga if only we didnt wait for mai. we could've came like 10th and 11th. hahaa

anwyays, i got a merit!!! YAY!! excellent. haha. well too bad, i cant do it again next year. far out. lol. well, at least today was fun. oh btw, i was looking through the pics i took. and i must say, ummm nice porno pics lol. ahha nah jks. umm ahaha nice pics. damn. i was going to post some up, but my mum is like sitting next to the comp at the moment. so yeh, tomorrow! or sat. lol.

geee im hungry! i came home and ate dinner straight away cause i was hungry. and now im hungry again. damn brusshed my teeth too. pfft. okay back to er.... work. study. i mean hw. i duno lol.

thinking too much..

2005-04-26T00:41:00.000+10:00

wow it's like two blogs in one day. well. i guess this is a new day but yea.
umm what's there to type? heaps. i've been thinking so much these days...crying wayy too much too...crying heals your soul...well i duno about that yet. im gonna pour my heart out in this blog so yea...go away if u have problems with me expressing me feelings.
ok well... i duno what i can really type out cos god knows who reads this. but let me throw a scenario into your head. imagine having one friend and she/he was really close to you. you told them heaps of things - especially your own personal problems - and you really opened up to them. he/she opened up to you so u basically share a pretty good friendship. but then a misunderstanding or something happens and your friend acts in a really unexpected way. it surprises you and you're left hurt...
another friend, one that you love and adore heaps, becomes really close to you. you're thinking...wow this friendship is so strong like im glad i found a friend like you. you hang out heaps and them something happens too.. it's a bit weird but then you accept it. but then something else happens...and this friend also cuts you...really deeply...and you're left thinking "am i really even worth anything to them if they could just blindly do/say that to me?" ...
another friend...also a close friend too...tries to do something good and yea made a mistake and you accept that too but then you realise something you never knew all along... they're not the person you thought they were...
another friend...you do everything for them, cos u really cherish the friendship shared bewteen you too, but then something horrible happens and you're left alone - they dogged you badd - you think to yourself... what happened to the close friendship - esp all the times you backed him/her up? you're clueless..but even more, you're hurt.
another friend lies...another friend betrays you...another friend loses your trust..another friend... yea.. imagine that happening to you like god knows how many times. yea you've made mistakes too - there's no denying it - but to feel the pain of betrayal.. of being let down.. of having expectations but realising that they'll never meet those expectations... it just hurts.
so with that i'll say one thing. i'm now a cold fishie. i'm not only cold on the outside, but i'm cold on the inside. i dont feel nething nemore - i dont wanna feel nething nemore. there's just been too many times where i've tried my best but it's never good enough...or i never do the right thing...or i just do it all wrong. well i'm sick of trying. i'm sick of depending on people. i'm sick of trying to help but then gettin kicked and burned cos i didnt take 'one side'. im just tired. im sick of caring for YOU so much when you obviously don't feel the same. i'm sick of expecting YOU to be there for me when im depressed and down. i'm tired of talking. and i'm tired of crying. i'm sick and tired of giving up everything for people i care about and in the end realise that i'm not good enough for them to care about. well i'm sorry im not that best friend - that close friend - that good friend - or simply, that friend. god knows i've tried so many times with you/s but it's just never enough. so that's it for me. i've packed up my bags and im ready to walk out the door. from you. and you. and you. and you. and all of you. i'm not saying i dont care. but im saying im tired of hurting. i will be a friend - the best kind of friend that i can be - but from this point on... i will not open myself, my soul or my heart to anyone else. too much has happened and too much pain remains inside of me as much as i try to avoid it. when i look/think of you/s...those who hurt me i cannot forget it. i try but i can't forget it.. but i'm sorry. maybe you're better off without me cos i simply cannot be what you want me to be. maybe all i brought to your life/s was pain. and complications. and problems. yea... well i'm leaving it now. so you should be happy. life may be easy for you - but you should think of the people you hurt along the way. esp me. you haven't lost the friend in me - but you've lost the real me.
do you really think that i'm just gonna stand around and let you/s do this to me? and no i'm not throwing at you the sympathy story. i hurt you. you hurt me. people make mistakes and i get that. but do you think it's that easy to ignore the pain? maybe YOU can put all your feelings aside and pretend you're ok - maybe u really are ok - but i'm not and i'm sick of pretending i am. this is directed at someone specific. i'm trying my best with you but it's so hard cos i'm continuously reminded of what you did to me. the things you say and the things you do are two different things. we haven't had a decent conversation since forever. it's just silence between us. when we're together and hanging around it feels like you don't even want to be around me - you're scared to be seen with me? what am i an embarassment to you. i dont care what people think - i'm your friend and you have no right to treat me this way. i have put so much into this friendship despite my own feelings - i did soo much for it to just keep it going and i dont think i deserve to be treated this way. you should step back and look at what you're saying "I really want to keep this friendship. i'm normal around you now" no you're not. you're not normal at all. normal is being the friend and hugging me when im sad. being normal is talking to me and having a decent convo. normal is not runing away and trying to walk away fast. it is not staying quiet and not starting a conversation. i remember you got mad at me ages ago for not talking to you too much - i was tlaking to someone else at tutor TOO much and that upset you. then why the hell are you doing it to me. i guess we've got nothin tot alk about huh. and i guess you not trying just shows how much you care about me. which isn't a lot. so when you've made up your mind of what you want - friendship or not - you better tell me. cos right now i feel nothin between us. you do not know the extent to which you hurt me - you thought you were hruting through it all. what about me. atleast i never just gave up. i'm just not good enough am i? just never good enough to be ur friend..
I'd rather depend on myself and hurt all alone inside than depend on someone else and feel the pain of him/her betraying me.
i lost my trust in you/s. and trust is something hard to gain back. but what's more is that you lost my love for you/s too. things will never be the same because YOU made sure of that. and it is because of you that i am the way that i am now. it is because of you that i am alone.